It's amazing how a few words can ruin everything.. (TW?)

[ThisTimeI'llMakeYouProud]

Hey..this is my first post so if I'm breaking any rules let me know and I'll fix it.
Ok, so I've had eating and body image issues since I have been 9. I'm 15 now. Last year I went to a ballet intensive over the summer, and I don't know how but I was eating healthy and seemed like I was on the road to recovery, I was back up to a healthy weight and was feeling good. A couple weeks ago, my mom has been making my costume for a ballet competition coming up. In my defense, my mom never took my measurements for this tutu and just guessed. I tried it on today and it fit on the waist, but not over my fat ass. My mom got super pissed off and was yelling at me and saying "Morgan why have you gained all this weight?? You're getting huge!!! You're gonna be a fat failure in life! Do you want that?? You're getting a huge gut and you already have thunder thighs! Jesus!" (I'm technically at a healthy weight at 125 and 5'6", even though I look and feel disgusting now..) Her comments really hurt my feelings but I didn't want to cry in front of her so I took two sleeping pills and locked myself in my room and slept most of the day. (snow day today) Then I woke up to her pounding on my door bitching like "Why are you locked in your room??? Do you want dinner?" And I was super triggered at this point so I said no I'm not hungry. and then she was like why aren't you hungry you need to eat do you have an ed? I don't understand how she is so dumb! Does she not remember what she said to me hours before?now she's pouting and refusing to talk to me. I don't understand her at all. Her stupid words ruined all hopes of recovery for me now. When I look in the mirror all I see is fat fat fat. It needs to be gone now. Sorry that was so long but I needed to tell someone. I hate myself so much.

[annaliese]

Just think, if that conversation never happened, nothing would have changed, nothing would have to be different, you have not changed physically and the situation has not changed. Words don't exist they aren't real things, if they had not been said, you'd be fine and you still are. I hope you're okay.

[Mc1423]

Awhh honey I'm so sorry that would be a really tough thing to deal with. Sounds like your mom has some issues of your own, but you CANNOT let that affect you. You were doing an amazing, incredibly brave thing by eating healthy and I beg you not to let a few simple words ruin all your hard work. You have to stay focused on your sport and be healthy. If you go back to your ED, you won't have enough energy to even practice, let alone perform to your full potential in that new costume. If you need to slim down parts of your body in order to make it fit better, there are exercises you can do to help with that. Instead of committing to and eating disorder, commit to a really healthy diet + exercises to slim down a bit. You DO NOT need to lose weight. 5'6 and 125 pounds is a very good weight; you are in the prime of a healthy, slim weight for your height, plus I'm sure you're very muscular. Thunder thighs??? C'mon, logically there is no way your thighs are very big, and they're probably pure muscle from the dancing. I'm really sorry that your mom was so harsh, but she sounds like a bad influence.. Don't let that ruin all your good progress. Please try to stay healthy <3 if you ever need to talk, message me. Seriously, I would love to talk. Take care xoxoxox

[haifisch]

Wow what senseless words she used! You are a thin healthy weight. The costume is made to fit you, not you made to fit the costume. She needs to apologize. Tell her this and validate yourself. You are strong and beautiful.

[ThisTimeI'llMakeYouProud]

Thabks everyone. It's really hard thinking healthy and happy thoughts now.

[angel01]

THATS MY WHOLE FAMILY TOO!!!!! they saw awful things about how fat you are and then act like they said nothing...wtf!?

[laceflower]

You are at a wonderful weight, athletic, and, most of all, recovering. You do not, even jokingly, have a "fat ass". Stop the negative self talk! Your mom probably triggered your ED in the first place, and she obviously has some mental health issues if she is insulting you that way. Even if you weighed 300 pounds, that is not an acceptable way to talk to a daughter. Equating "fat" with "failure" is ridiculous. She is projecting her own insecurities onto you. Stay strong!