I feel like I have nothing to live for.

[penggwin]

I'm sat here just holding in the tears, and I can feel them stinging my eyes so I know they'll come soon. I've been having a bad.. month to say the least. Early January I lost my pet, then a few days later I moved to the other end of the country, I'm watching my nan's mental status drop so quickly into dementia and my mama is almost having a heart attack because of her blood pressure.
I didn't think things could get worse, and then I had to cancel my trip to Korea because my doctor won't allow me to go (I'm not fit enough to go). I was supposed to go with my "best friend" but when I told her I couldn't, she didn't care and didn't speak to me since. That was just under a week ago.
Today I came online to find she'd wiped me from her facebook account (we used to be sisters on there) and she wiped me from tumblr (she put that we were sisters on there too).. all of this and she hasn't even spoken to me. I knew something was up with her because she's been funny with me for ages and then when I called her out on it she said I was being childish.

..I just.. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've lost everything and everyone. I've been feeling like a mess for days now and I can't handle the stress, and I want to self harm but I know that's bad. Can't I just die? Why won't people let me die.

[CompulsiveChris]

Hey penggwyn, I know at times things are tough and challenging, but no matter how bad the storm the sun will shine again. There is always a way forward even if it's difficult to see. Keep holding on and battling through and use your friends for support and guidance.

[KoH.]

Have you tried to explain to your friend what your going through right now? She's just a bit disappointed about not going to Korea. I'd give it a word of mention, in a letter or something, and then give her time to grasp it in her head. Some people really do need time to think about what they are doing and what's going on around them. She's someone you need in your life right now too.
I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going the way you hope, but keep strong. Times like these give us the chance to prove your strength.

[Jacklinger]

Sorry you're feeling so sad Penggwin. My guess is, your friend has changed and doesn't know how to tell you that she's not interested in maintaining your friendship anymore. And that's really sad.

I'm sorry you lost your pet too, that's always hard. And the news about your family is also.

But don't die. I think you still have purpose. And even if you don't, so what? Just live. Things might get better. No one can see the future.

[elzie]

Why don't you find something to live for? <3 <3

[weightlessrunner]

It's not that people won't let you die. Realistically no one can stop you if you ultimately want to die. However, I do not think this is the case. I think you don't actually want to die,you just want change or in your words, something for which to live. Unfortunately, that something isn't going to find you. You have to find it.

[penggwin]

Why don't you find something to live for? <3 <3

Unfortunately, that something isn't going to find you. You have to find it.

this is like the best thing i've heard since last night. thank you so much, really<3 i'll find it.;

[Bathory]

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time right now! I hope you feel better soon Keep your head up!

And I agree, find something to live for