Insecurites...

[wh1testar]

Sometimes I feel like the little things that people do around me are meant for me or aimed at me...Or they're trying to run away from me because of something I've said or may have done. It's killing me. Over analyzing everything I do and retracking my steps to make sure I didn't hurt anyone...Thinking over and over again that there's something wrong with me, that I'm the one that's making everything fail or I'm the one that's being too needy or being a burden. I need this constant affirmation that I matter...Otherwise I feel unwanted. I've been alone my whole life, and my biggest fear is losing that one person that matters to you...the one person that makes you feel beautiful and makes you feel like everything's okay and that everything will be okay...Someone told me today that there isn't a person worthy of me. And as flattered as I was by that, I know there is someone...But you keep giving and giving and giving, and yet you feel like you're free falling and every once in a while you're caught by the most amazing cloud and you start floating with it...but then you're free falling again, and it's like you're holding your breath waiting for that cloud to come again so you can feel alright.

No matter what, I always make sure the people I love and care about know just how much I'm here for them. It just breaks my heart that people can come and go so easily, one day you'll be the best thing, the next day you're just another girl...It gets so exhausting. And I just don't know what to do, but all I ask for is kindness and appreciation. And I just always need to be reminded, because I'm so insecure, like I'll over think the smallest things and make myself believe that that person doesn't want me anymore or is bored of me...

Does anyone else go through that? The feeling that you think about things you're loved ones do and convince yourself that maybe it was because of something you said or did? It makes me feel so unwanted sometimes, even when I know my thoughts aren't true...my insecurities begs that they are.

[fautsouffrirpouretrebelle]

I really wish I had some super stellar advice to give you, but I don't.
all I can say is that you've described me to a T.
I do all of the things you mentioned constantly.
and I'm beginning to think I'm putting too much pressure on my boyfriend for validation.
I feel like he's getting tired of telling me that 'yes, you know I think you're gorgeous.' and 'no you're not fat.'