**tw (possible)** Hating myself so much

[JEANNE]

Its January in Montana which means cold, below zero temps, ice & snow. NOT the best driving conditions. Driving home from work tonight I am pre-occupied with thoughts of wanting to feed my starving body, knowing that nothing would be retained, arguing with my fat ass cow self that I don't deserve to eat, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. Fighting myself all the way: eat, don't eat. YOU CAN'T EAT you didn't spend hours at the gym today, fat ugly cow. Then out of the darkness right across this busy street walks this chick with loads of grocery bags. She doesn't look, she just walks out into traffic right in front of me. Of course I brake suddenly.. almost hit her, slide on the ice into the other lane..... geez Louise lady. She is as thin as a toothpick, bags of groceries (I think.. it was right outside the supermarket too) and not paying one spot of attention to anything she just caused.

I know I am a bitch, but all I could do was fume about the racing heart adreneline left over AND THE FACT THAT SHE GOT TO GO HOME AND B/P AND I CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am in a stage of fear of eating anything and it sucks. Sucks. I hate this life. I hate me.

[driven2change]

Don't hate yourself, love. It's a struggle, I know. But you're strong, I can tell just by reading this that you are. Whatever you're trying to achieve, you can do it...don't worry about other people, focus on yourself and your inner strength.
Continue to be strong, my dear, you're doing great. But please, be careful!
If you ever need to talk or whatever I'm here! Best of luck, xoxoxo

[The Bright Side]

With all the love you show to people on here, please try to save some for yourself.

[silver_elf]

Yeah the roads in Montana are pretty bad right now from all the melting and freezing...
Hang in there!!