Fear of being found out

[stories]

Does anyone else have a fear of others seeing their scars or being "found out"?

I am self-conscious and fear other people seeing my arm.

Last night I was doing laundry and decided since it was after 3am no one would be staying up too late in my dorm. I went down the laundry room of my dorm without a jacket on. On my way back up to my room, I went to see if the study room lights were on to turn them off. I walked by and someone I (slightly) knew was in one of them. He looked at me and I hurried off, hoping he didn't see my arm.

Then today I was in my painting class and when I was cleaning up I had my sleeve rolled up in order to wash my hand and my paint brushes without getting wet paint and water all over my clothes. There were others around me cleaning up their stuff too. I just felt self-conscious about it. And a friend of mine is also in the class and I was just hoping he didn't notice. The minute I was done I put my sleeve down.

Part of me sometimes would like not to care and to just be able to be okay with myself/arm, but I am not.

Is anyone else like this? Or have this fear?

[MyDarkestNight.]

I do :L Except most people actually have found out about me last week...worst nightmare.

[GreedvsNeed]

the other day ago I went to work and forgot to cover a certain place that would be visible there.... I had to rip open my favourite scarf very quick and make it somehow look stylish but cover it up.... I am very sad about my scarf because it was a gift from my best friend and pissed off with myself for forgetting something as important as that and that I self harm in the first place.... just triggers another go at it....

I don't want anybody to see the scars.... And I know I can ever feel comfortable in showing them to anyone

[Nerissa]

I still worry about my parents finding out I'm cutting again, and I'm 24 years old and 200 miles away! I quit a couple of years ago, and they knew about that, but it started again and I haven't told them. I hide my scars better now that I don't cut my arms, but it still plays on my mind.

The obvious answer is to try to reduce or even stop self-harming, but I know that's more of a long-term goal. Hang on in there - other people aren't nearly as observant as you'd think they are - they're too busy worrying about what you think they look like, to think about what you look like!

[MyDarkestNight.]

I should just add, I say "worst nightmare" but in reality it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. Now 3 of my school friends know, they havn't been weird with me just supportive and one of them even opened up to me about how she nearly did it herself. It was kind of scary but I'm glad they trust me with this stuff now.

[HiLz]

It took me years to be able to walk around my house and outside my house without covering my arm.
I felt so self conscious at home after my mum found out. I never wanted her to look at my scars & I never wanted my cousins & auntie's to see them either. I didn't want my friends to see them.

I was so used to hiding under long sleeves and arm warmers so it really was hard to make the decision to let my arms out. Whenever I was on the bus I felt like everyone was watching me, especially if I was holding on to a pole on the bus/train with my cut up arm. Eventually I told myself I don't care what anybody thinks I'll just do what I want. After a while I even forgot that I had scars on my arm, but sometimes I would remember and look around to see if someone noticed...It's been 2 years since I stopped cutting and I don't care at all about my scars. I wear whatever I want and have my arms out all the time with different people. I lost the shame a very long time ago. I am very happy to have my arm on display, because I genuinely 100% do not care about whose looking or what they may be thinking.

[stories]

I have another story to add this this.

Last night my RA came into my room, asking how I was doing. I had my Tumblr linked to Facebook and just happened to write something, "i live in such a lonely and horrible place… my mind. and i hate it. but i know i just have to learn to live here because this is one housing contract i am not able to break. now, if only it had better lighting…".

She came in, made small talk, asked how my classes were going, and then asked if I was suicidal at all. I told her no, which I am not. But I had WhyEat up, which I quickly closed. And I had no jacket on so I had to cross my arms or hide them under my legs. I was a bit paranoid she would find out. My hall director knows of my issues but I asked her not to tell my RA. It is also weird as my RA is a year younger than I am... But anyways, that happened last night.

[enchanted]

I hate hiding them. If I am washing my hands in the dorm bathroom I have to make sure to keep the underside of my arms not visible if someone is in there. We were at lunch the other day and my jacket must have slid down my arm some and my friend saw a mark on my arm and asked me if i was cutting myself and i just changed the topic but I hate having to hide it and I'm not sure if my roommate knows cause sometimes I just walk around with short sleeves on in our room and i have no idea if shes seen them or not but were not really close so i doubt she'd ever say anything if she had