So.. I started cutting when I was 12 and struggled with it with for 1-2 years. At the age of 14 I developed anorexia, and pretty much switched my self harm methods (starving yourself is essentially self harm). Then I switched from anorexia to bulimia. Now I have both anorexic AND bulimic tendencies. I am now 18 (almost 19), and I can't believe it, but.. after about 5 years of not cutting, I've relapsed. I'm starving, purging, AND cutting. I'm an absolute mess.

I don't know if anyone else on this forum struggles with depersonalization or derealization, but this is the biggest trigger for me, cutting-wise. I feel like I'm completely disconnected from reality. I become very confused; I have no idea what's going on when I'm experiencing an episode of DR/DP. I can look at my boyfriend, and my emotions towards him are completely disconnected. My emotions towards everything is skewed. My perception, my thoughts, my reality, everything.. just becomes completely fucked. It's a hard sensation to describe, but it's fucking scary. In order to bring myself back to reality, I feel like I need to prove to myself that I'm "real", so I cut. I want to feel something, ANYthing.. and harming myself seems to do the trick. Has anyone else experienced derealization or experienced something similar to this? If so, how do you deal with it? Does anyone have any advice on how to avoid self harm during times like these?