Sick and healthy

[April]

Hey

I am not sure if you ever feel that way, but i find myself extremely fluctuating between being "sick" and being "healthy".
I used to have that every cuple of weeks - I would eat normal, then restrict for 1-2 weeks, or binge and purge for a cuple of weeks, but always go back to normal eating behavior.
For the last cuple of months, it is turning more into a daily thing - i eat normal for a da, i restrcit, i binge and purge, besaically everything.
Today i restrcted, i binged, i purged, than i had a normal feel and right now i feel good (although 2 hours ago, i would have killed myself with having food in my stomach). I am really convinced that i don't even have a problem.
Although tomorrow, i might feel different.
Does anyone else experience this extreme fluctuations ?
Its starting to annoy me because I cannot plan my life anymore, i get so afraid of telling somebody, in general, because I never know how i am going to be tomorrow..

April

[SoWhite]

that is the beauty of ednos. :P although its not very beautiful at all.
i think alot of people are in the same boat tho. i was for a while.
there was a time when i would eat normally. then there would be one day that i would just feel so disgusting i had to throw it up. other days i felt fine though.

[Barely_Short]

Its a never ending cycle. Ive been trying to be healthy for about 2 months now, and suddenly Im going back to restricting. I always end up feeling gross, so I starve, but then I try to be a little healthier, and so on and so on...

[rustdoll]

Yup. I go from one extreme to another... eat junk food all day, b/p, eat healthy, restrict, fast.... sometimes it lasts a day, sometimes a few, a week, a few weeks... I hate it.

[Victorian Fantasy]

Same thing here. Right now I'm trying very hard to eat healthier but I can feel myself wanting to restrict again. Its a terrible cycle

[April]

Ok, i don't feel that bad anymore, thanks
I have been binging the last two days (as I am trying to be healthy). Because I do not want to throw up or take laxatives.
But I know, perfectly, that my eating healthy will turn into restricting, whih it always does, or into b/ping, or more binging, or whatever. I don't even feel like I could ever prevent myself from another "phase" happening, although I used to believe so. The only thing I can do is procastrinate them. I can do goof for a cuple of weeks.. But still, I do not feel sick, because my eating behavior seems fairly normal, at least it is not controlling my life, and it is not the only thing i think about - i don't even feel like I have a problem. Which is kind of contradictory, because the only thing i would want to do right know is reverse every food I ever ate, pretty much, and reverse the decision to be healthy. But I can't, I have to give it another try (to dump it in a cuple of days or weeks.) I hate this feeling of not being able to even have a "proper" eating disorder.