I don't know how to handle this

[stories]

I don't know how to handle my depression right now, not that I ever have.

I never fully acknowledged it until recently. I also took the BDI-II and averaged a forty out of sixty-three. That's pretty bad, I must say.

And I've been this way, untreated and undiagnosed, for the last six years.

I have a counseling appointment with a new counselor, as my last one didn't work out, next week Friday. I would go in sooner but I either have class or work at the times she's available.

I just don't know what to do.

This thread might be moved here, or to "Rant and Rave", but this is what is going on currently: http://www.whyeat.net/forum/threads/...-here?p=346022

I know I need help. I should want it. Not too long ago, I actually did for a slight while, and that was the most sure I have been in a long time. But now I don't know anymore.

You can disregard this if it seems pointless to you. I just needed to get this (and that super long post) out there.

[scout2130]

Hey,
I'm not sure exactly what the BDI-II is, but was it online? Maybe you shouldn't assign yourself a number score from a test to decide how depressed you are. Everybody's situation is different, and based on your longer post, yours is very complicated, with two other people to think about besides yourself. Try not to label yourself and think about yourself based on that label. You are your own person.
Just making the call to see a new therapist is a huge accomplishment. Keep the appointment! Only nine days away. I know it's a long wait, but hopefully you have enough support here to make it through. You wanted help a few days ago right? And you feel like you don't want it now. Maybe before next Friday you will decide you want to talk to someone again, and you'll be glad you kept the appointment.
I'm sorry things with your brothers are so bad right now. The best advice is to be there for them, while still taking care of yourself.
Did you see the crazy rainstorm around 2-3 in the afternoon? Crazy...

[stories]

Hey,
I'm not sure exactly what the BDI-II is, but was it online? Maybe you shouldn't assign yourself a number score from a test to decide how depressed you are. Everybody's situation is different, and based on your longer post, yours is very complicated, with two other people to think about besides yourself. Try not to label yourself and think about yourself based on that label. You are your own person.
Just making the call to see a new therapist is a huge accomplishment. Keep the appointment! Only nine days away. I know it's a long wait, but hopefully you have enough support here to make it through. You wanted help a few days ago right? And you feel like you don't want it now. Maybe before next Friday you will decide you want to talk to someone again, and you'll be glad you kept the appointment.
I'm sorry things with your brothers are so bad right now. The best advice is to be there for them, while still taking care of yourself.
Did you see the crazy rainstorm around 2-3 in the afternoon? Crazy...

The BDI-II is the Beck Depression Inventory. There are pdf's online. It is what is used at my campus's health center. After showing my results to my former counselor she agreed with my statements of me being depressed. It was actually the screening test she wanted to give me but could not find. The one she did give me showed similar results.

Also with one of my "brothers", S from the long post, he is not talking to us. But we are giving him time. F is giving him time and is not giving up hope. His hall director who he has to meet with regularly says one day S will come around. F and I both hope so. We are not giving up on this. It is too important. For now we are just going to have to wait, even if we hate waiting. And I guess this is a way we can be there for him, without actually psychically being there, as he doesn't want that (currently).

I am trying to take care of myself. It just gets hard sometimes wen I have spent so long caring for other people and putting myself aside.

And yeah, I saw part of the rainstorm. But I don't expect anything less from Oregon.

[stories]

Update, it looks like things are looking up. I cannot say for sure but I am keeping my head up high.

I am only going to hope for the best.