I want to binge so badly right now

[iwant2recover]

I want to binge. My stomach is all tied up in anxious knots and I can't handle the feeling. I feel hopeless. I will never be thin enough. I will never be good enough. I will never be happy. This will never go away. My only solution is to eat 3 big bowls of cheerios so maybe I will feel the cheerios and not the pain. I have no way of coping with my life.
I want to binge so badly.
But I know if I do I will spend the rest of the day purging or lying in bed sick to my stomach.
Today has been such a roller coaster. For the last 3 hours I have done circles in my head between restricting, binging, purging and back to restricting. I wish I could cope better.
What do others do to stop themselves from b/p?

[chudge]

Try to leave the house go for a walk, a coffee, buy a non-triggering magazine/newspaper, go buy a hat or something non-clothes triggery (if you get me)? And if you do binge or have done it is ok, it's horrible but please don't feel any less of a person for doing it (bit stupid to say to someone with an ED but sometimes someone else saying it helps me). Hope you're ok and we're all here in the same boat if you need us <3