Body image ...

[Carly xx]

So what do you do when you feel so terrible about your images, I mean you're told you're beautiful and all that but being bulimic of course I don't believe it. I'm so self concious about my body now, especially around guys ... Is there anyway you can make yourself feel better about your body if you don't believe what people are tellign you? And is anyone else the same? I hate showing off any part of my body what so ever ...

[OhRoses]

We're all different, but when I'm feeling absolutely horrid about my body, I take a bath.
I know this might seem like a trigger (seeing yourself naked) But with all the warmth and steam around me, I can't help but feel comfortable in my own skin. When that's not an option, I count calories and create meal plans. Not sure how/why that helps, maybe because it shows me how little I actually am eating; it makes me feel safe. I have days where I can do nothing but cry about my body, in front of my boyfriend and everything. Uhg I had every intention of being helpful, but it seems all I can do is relate

[scout]

I don't think there's much you can do about that... It kinda comes with the package of having an ed. But as OhRoses said, taking a bath helps, for me it's just the whole cleaning my self up thing that helps. Also, I do like to count calories when that happens... not because it makes me feel better about my body but because it just helps me deal with the stress of it all. Either way, I hope you feel better!! xx

[peanuts]

I don't have the answer to this but I know the feeling. My husband has it in his head that I don't love him because I can't stand for him to touch me or show me affection. It really hurts but I just can't stand it.
When he touches me it just highlights how I feel about myself and I can't bare for him to see it. He always tells me that Im pretty but I feel like he's lying to me.
I don't know how to over come this. I just wish I was happy with how I was.

[KoH.]

I don't have the answer to this but I know the feeling. My husband has it in his head that I don't love him because I can't stand for him to touch me or show me affection. It really hurts but I just can't stand it.
When he touches me it just highlights how I feel about myself and I can't bare for him to see it. He always tells me that Im pretty but I feel like he's lying to me.
I don't know how to over come this. I just wish I was happy with how I was.

this is what caused the end to my previous relationships

try to accept yourself. and try to take compliments too! i also find shaving helps..and moisturising. being spotlessly clean in general just makes me feel better. wish this house had a bath tub with hot water

[Mianis]

I do what I can to improve how I look so I can like it better. I use Nivea Q10 body lotion (really firms the skin!), I use body scrubs in the shower, I shave areas where I don't like hair, I chemically straighten my hair and dye it black, I workout whenever I feel like it (2-4 times a week) with strength training then some yoga after (really helps me to feel open and brighter), I pluck my eyebrows, I use facial moisterizer 2 times a day, I have prescibed acne cream I use, I go for walks...

Being told by my boyfriend how beautiful I am really helps. And sometimes others call me cute or pretty. In time I have learned to try and accept it. I don't always see it, but when I do it's amazing to feel good about myself.

All these things help me greatly to feel better about myself. Maybe you could try some of it?

[meerz]

Can't help feeling filthy and mutilated... I'm completely apathetic to other people's positive comments.
I agree about taking a shower (a bath would be even better), but somehow it helps only with the "filth".
But I swear I feel much more beautiful and attractive (even though I'd still hate my body-if it makes any sense) when I'm having good days, eating normally and not even thinking about it. It's the only time I genuinely feel the difference.

[spaceghost]

I suppose I wouldn't be here if I didn't have problems with the way I look.

I just think I'm kind of mediocre, if not gross.

I wear layers of semi-formal clothes all the time—never T-shirts. Always wear button down. I like the winter because I get to cover up. I do wear skinny jeans, though.

I bleach my hair, because I just feel really forgettable when it's natural black. I feel awkward, so I don't dance. I've had tug o'war matches with female friends (and strangers!), who were trying to pull, or shove me onto the dance floor. The thought of it is mortifying, actually, though I sometimes wish I had that freedom not to give a shit. I've never sung at karaoke, except once when I was drunk into oblivion, and surrounded by people at a friend of a friend's party, who were also wasted, and that I never expected to see again. I don't really want to do anything I don't expect to do well on the first try. Some things I can do intuitively (like building things, writing, etc.), but with a lot of the more social activities that ask an extroverted attitude, I'm afraid of being humiliated—especially of making a fool of myself without even knowing it, since it'd mean I'd incorrectly gauged my abilities, which would make me doubt myself even more.

Maybe it seems like I'm getting off topic, but it has to do with this disconnect from my body. I've tried to escape it, deny it, ignore it, destroy it, for so long that I'm out of sync with its movement, position, etc. In fact, I don't even feel like it's me. I can't identify with it; only my mind seems real. I no longer believe that I exist except as a physical being, and it horrifies me to realize that I'm stuck with it until I blink out of existence.

If women are touchy-feely (though not men—I hate when other dudes go in for that awkward guy hug), it's fine. I let it happen. I welcome it, really, since I'm so starved for touch. I can't initiate it, though. The imaginary scenario plays out in my head where I touch someone, and they just look at me like, What the fuck are you doing? What made you remotely think that was a good idea? So I just don't. I mean, I dated a girl for a month, and I think she was confused, possibly hurt, because I didn't "make a move." Another time, I was tripping balls on E (if you've never been on E, it's incredible—not that I'm trying to encourage anyone's drug use—everything feels amazing), and there was this friend of a friend that I'd met that weekend. She was really cute, and cool, and witty (so rare!), and I was quickly infatuated. When I was extremely high (smiling maniacally, just watching people dance under the colorful lights), she just walked up, stood beside me, and started rubbing my back, and raking her nails up and down—she did this the rest of the night.

Part of me was saying, Do something, you idiot! At least reciprocate! She probably wouldn't mind—and if she does, she'll let you know! You're being a selfish prick besides!

I leant against her. That's it. That's all I could manage. We were sharing a hotel room, along with some other friends. When we got back, I crashed out on the couch. Then she went to her room and locked the door behind her. I still don't know what to think about it.

But that's how I react to things. I was raised around women who despised their partners, resented their needs, derided them for being men, essentially, and made no effort to hide their disdain around me. I feel like I'm disgusting, and any notion anyone could be attracted to me is a delusion.

[Ivy45]

I don't think there's much you can do about it (although I do like everyone's suggestions about pampering yourself, I love taking a long hot shower and using loads of yummy products). I think if you want to be intimate with someone you sometimes just have to grit your teeth and trust that they like what they see, I still don't really like my partner of nearly 2 years seeing me naked but I just have to get on with it, either that or have him stretch all my clothes by repeatedly trying to pull them off. ¬_¬

We have to remember that our self perception is warped. Other people do find us beautiful.