Self Harm and Sex (tmi warning)

[dopdop2000]

(I wasn't sure if I should post this here or in relationships, so if you think I should move it I will)

I feel extremely awkward posting this. Just throwing that out there.

So, I have my first more serious boyfriend and we're starting to get physical. However, every time we hook up, my urges to self harm inhibit my ability to enjoy myself. I mean, it's not that he's bad (he isn't), but a few minutes in every time, I get distracted and am SUPER triggered to cut. So then that's all I can think about. And seeing as how I'm not going to cut while we're hooking up (he's supportive of me, but not THAT supportive of me), any suggestions on how to just ignore it and actually enjoy myself? Has this every happened to anyone?

[weightlessrunner]

I am curious to know what triggers you to cut while you are intimate. Is it anxiety or is it the pleasure which you associate with cutting?

[dopdop2000]

I think more anxiety. I'm always stressing about if he's enjoying himself, if i'm doing it right, etc. and then i always associate stress with cutting. And then once cutting is on my mind I can't stop thinking about it.

[weightlessrunner]

I think more anxiety. I'm always stressing about if he's enjoying himself, if i'm doing it right, etc. and then i always associate stress with cutting. And then once cutting is on my mind I can't stop thinking about it.

Why don't you speak to him about whether he's enjoying himself?

[dopdop2000]

lol well, he's the "I enjoy myself if you're enjoying yourself" type, who won't give me more than "I liked it if you liked it."

And I don't think my stress is totally deserved. He...you know...so he obviously enjoys it in some regard. I just kind of think about it anyways.

Also, if he knew that intimacy triggers me, he would just start a 'no intimacy' rule (he's done that over less before).

[weightlessrunner]

Oh...ok rephrase the question then. Ask him what he likes and dislikes about what you do.

[silver_elf]

... or simply ask him if there's anything he would like you to do, (and make it about having even more fun than right now not about worrying that you're not good enough) if you're open to suggestion and get to have him direct you somewhat in what would do it for him even more it might make you feel better. worth a try

[angel01]

idk what your past is like. But i have history of sexual abuse and also forcing myself to engage in sexual activities even when i dont want it. took me years to realize the last one. Cut myself everytime a guy even kissed me. Just examine yourself. If the sex is soemthign your truley okay with than just work on anxiety control my dear. I would even explain to him whats going on.