I didn't weigh myself last friday but...

[amazon626]

I've been weighing myself every friday/saturday/sunday just to be like "Ha! I can control weighing myself so I don't do it every day!!!" but I didn't weigh myself last weekend, and I didn't today either (granted I still have tomorrow and sunday to go) but it isn't because of some major feat of powerful strength against the scale and the number on it's grip on me... but out of fear....

See, I gained 2.2 lbs the weekend before last, and then I was kind of... "pigging out" on fast food (aka eating fast food after I get off work because I'm too lazy to come home and cook, not a ton of it but enough that I was probably eating about 1000 cal dinners) all the last 2 weeks so I'm still like... scared to step on the scale. I'm pretty sure the reason it was a little bit higher actually is because I started my period like... wed. after I weighed myself on friday. I always seem to go up a little bit before my period hits, not really sure why since I never feel bloated or anything. But... I'm scared of the scale now. I don't think that's any healthier than like.. religiously weighing myself every weekend... "I bow down to the power of the scale...." WTF!?!?!?!?

[amazon626]

I also wanted to start running again, I want to try to start training for a marathon eventually, I know I probably won't do one for a while, but I want to do one. Anyway, I wanted to start running again and tonight seemed like a good night, I don't have my son tonight, I just got off of work, only I live in an area that is recovering from a severe winter storm, I drove past every school in the area on my way home that had a track and they were all just.. covered in snow, and I half was like "fuck that, I'm gonna do it anyway!" but then I pictured myself slipping and like.. breaking my ankle or something and being unable to work and being unable to provide for my son and getting kicked out of my apartment all stemming from me trying to force myself to exercise on snow/ice which is just idiotic, so I got jack in the box (stupid stupid stupid) and came home.

[amazon626]

oh ffs can I go back to NOT conquering my fear of the scale??? I've gained 3 lbs since I weighed myself 2 weeks ago and I'm .4 lbs away from going over 200 again :'( I CANNOT GO OVER 200 AGAIN!!!! I WOULD RATHER ---DIE--- THAN BE ---THAT--- FAT AGAIN!!!

[amazon626]

I was hoping that maybe all my shoveling snow and hauling heavy ass pallets and walking and slipping and etc. the last several days at work and my whole fucking body is just sore as a motherfucker would somehow balance out the fucking disgusting fatty nasty fast food binging but apparently not and I'm a fucking fat ass piece of shit still and I'm not losing anything, I'm just gaining and gaining and gaining and this is soooooooooo making me want to fucking restrict but I know I shouldn't. I fucking hate myself

[tripurity]

I can relate to this. Ever since my husband threw the scale away, I keep on at work. I told myself I would only use it once a week, but of course, I can't even do that. But one weekend I did eat a lot and knew I had probably gained, so I didn't weigh for a day or two. My ED was like, "See, you are in 'recovery,' you didn't weigh for a day!" But then I knew it was just a lie -- I didn't weigh not because I wanted recovery but because I was scared to see a higher number.