Do I tell her?

[FleetingHope]

So to start, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian because even though I like boys, I love girls. Females are so beautiful, elegant, funny and generally not at shallow as the boys I meet, and usually not only interested in getting inside me.
When I dream of spending the rest of my life with someone, it's always a girl.
The boys I know on the other hand, I find them cute, but to me they're like playthings, I want them for a little while then I wish they'd stop bothering me and move on. They get on my nerves and most the time I'm uncomfortable getting close to them.

Anyway! That is not the point of my post.
Okay, I am currently sort of in a relationship with a guy, and he's really sweet and all, but I usually date a boy every now and then just to throw my parents of the "Ohmigod my only daughter is a lesbian" scent.
However, I am seriously in love with my best friend.. and she isn't gay.
And I would normally be content to love her in silence while spending time with her.
But she is going to be moving out of the country pretty soon and will be gone for quite awhile.
What I can't decide is if I should tell her that I have feelings for her before she goes, or just let it go??
I know it probably all sounds stupid, but I just need some outside advice on this. Normally I don't fall for girls I know are straight..

[balrog_roller]

You are actually in a very very sticky situation. Would you be willing to risk your friendship by telling her? There are plenty of girls out there looking for someone like you. If I was in your place I'd keep the friendship intact and look elsewhere (not really look, more like let her fall into your lap XD). But if you truly think she is worth the risk and that she would be willing to have a relationship with you or in the least not disown you, tell her.

[FleetingHope]

Thank you for responding . People always tell me that I'll find a girl someday, but sometimes it just feels like that won't ever happen.
However I think I'll take your advice and just keep her as a good friend, because good friends can be hard to find too!
She wouldn't hate me or anything if I told her, but I'd rather not put that strain on our friendship.
Thanks again, I really appreciate it!

[elzie]

I am someone who goes for anyone if I like them, no matter what gender they are. I prefer girls as I love the feminine, gorgeous so cuuute. I know how it feels to fancy your friend. In my opinion though, I wouldn't ruin it. If you know she's not gay and you tell her she might feel awkward and the friendship after that might be awkward. Even if she wouldn't hate you she will probably still feel awkward! I mean imagine if a guy friend told you he reaaaally liked you and you didn't feel the same but tried to act like everything was fine! I'd stay close friends with her. You'll find someone who feels the same, trust me.

[Ivy45]

I say don't tell her. What are you hoping to achieve from it if you know she's straight? Don't risk your friendship. Maybe being apart from her will allow your feelings to subside and you can meet another great girl who feels the same way about you.

[The Hatter]

I don't know a definitive answer to give here. It's going to be up to you in the end, I just say weigh all the pros and cons. A great friend is hard enough to come by and risking that friendship doesn't seem worth it without you having enough from her to show you that she's even into the same sex.

I do applaud you though for taking into factor putting strain on the friendship and bond you've already forged. Just go with your gut instinct on it. I think you're mature enough to know that there's a possible bad outcome and you run the risk of it. As already stated, regardless of this, there's someone out there that would share the same feelings with you. Everything takes time.

[missatastic]

I was on the receiving end of a situation like this. My best friend ... not-so-casually.. slipped it into conversation via text message. I'm very open minded and accepting of things like that.. eh.. I much prefer females over males, in all honesty. Though I am engaged to a guy I love more than anything and wouldn't trade him for the world.. I'm just not really attracted to men.. except him. Well point is, I totally freaked. Not on her, just.. in general where I was. We had been friends for sooo long and I felt so bad that it wasn't a mutual attraction. I tried to keep everything normal and un-awkward, but she totally went into a shell and wouldn't speak to me for months. Now we're back to best friend status, because I do enjoy being around her.. but it just wasn't mutual.

It will just depend on her personality. Is she open and accepting of people that are attracted to the same gender? Is she freaked out by girls that like girls? It may or may not put a strain on the friendship/put you both in an awkward position. I had a dilemma very similar. I totally fell for another best friend of mine.. but she actually did like girls. She seemed to like me, but ultimately it caused way too much tension and ended in hard feelings and us no longer speaking. It hurt to lose that friendship. When she went out of the country (she was deployed), I buried my feelings completely and we haven't talked since.

Telling her is a risk. Is it a risk you're willing to take? Is it worth making the friendship weird or awkward? That's up to you. Good luck with it though <3

[LosingMyself]

Portia Di Rossi went through this exact situation with her friend Sacha before she met and fell in love with Ellen Degeneres.

She writes about it in her book "unbearable lightness" which is a memoir about her life as an actress, model, eating disorders, being gay, etc. Personally I think it was a fantastic read.

Who knows, it might give you a bit of insight.

[26/09]

I've been here! Almost 2 years ago I met this amazing girl, we instantly connected and at the time I was as straight as straight can be. But then I found out that she liked to 'mess around' with girls, and she wanted to do the same with me. I became infactuated with her but it wasn't until the first time I kissed her that I knew I had more feelings than just friendship. It took a while, but I eventually told her I was in love with her and she said she needed some time to think. She text me that night though, and luckily for me she felt the same. We're now in a relationship and everything's looking good (fingers crossed). My point is, it didn't ruin my friendship with her, and I don't think it would've done if she didn't feel the same way either. We're so close, so it just depends how close you and your best friend are.