Anyone else in fasting/major restricting mode? TW

[cashnflesh]

Don't really know the point of this post. I guess I just wanted to vent or find support.
I've recently been in crazy restriction mode and am finally starting to fast again.

First of all: I don't want to get better. All I want to do is to starve. Being EDNOS, I am also not underweight.
I don't know. I am just so tired.

I'm angry that I'm succeeding at fasting but not skinny enough.
I'm scared to death that this will trigger a binge, but I definitely can't stop fasting.
I bought another scale after throwing one away a few months ago and plan on weighing myself tomorrow after these laxatives kick in.

Thanks for listening. Anyone else want to vent?

[PearlButterfly]

I've been in fasting and restricting mode for 2 weeks - know what you mean about being angry - for me it's like it's just not happening fast enough for so much effort.

I think I fasted for too long last week because I ended up bingeing. I find I do better if i eat micro meals and restrict. The fasting also makes me so very tired but then gives me insomnia.

[KoH.]

im debating on it as ive feel ive gone too over my daily intake this morning.......
just so premenstrual ........ ... .

[bluedragonfly]

I have found myself in this position. The thing is i do want to get better, but at the moment ( thanks to Christmas at home) i am my highest weight, and i've been restricting heavily since i got back to university. I know i need to stop, and eat normally, but i'm scared if i eat normally i'll gain what i've lost and more, and right now that isn't an option. So i'm just restricting and can't stop

[redspottedpurple]

i can relate. i've been restricting heavily since november 1st. i've lost a lot of weight, still i'm not underweight yet. and yes, it makes me angry. i know that i will be underweight again eventually. because i've gone through this before. several times. but it's just taking so long. and i hate waiting.

i can't stop either. and i don't want to. i don't want to "get better". (i don't believe in full recovery anyway. it might be possible for some people. but not for me.)

[HellsBells]

I'm on a water fast at the moment because my doctor thinks it's healthier for me (I know, what is the medical profession coming to?!) than my own restriction/fast tendencies. I guess maybe he's worked out that in my frame of mind it's safer to indulge and keep an eye on me than do nothing. Luckily I don't have problems with fasting or restriction, or breaking them because I've never been able to eat a lot. I'm not trying actively to be unhealthy, I'm just trying to deal with how I feel at the moment and under supervision is probably the best I can hope for. If able to, I would like to be healthy though...something to talk to my doctor about when he's feeling sensible, I suppose!
To everyone else who has posted, I hope you are being careful whatever your plan and that you are all ok!

[karlamorgan]

Yeah, I'm going into restriction mode tomorrow. I'm just scared I'm going to end up binging like I do every other fucking time. I NEED to break the restrict/binge cycle.

[SoWhite]

gosh yess. i havnt eaten since my little outing on tuesday. my boyfriend took me to a steakhouse and icecream after. i just said, fuck it i want to enjoy this evening and not look like a freak. well of course, after he dropped me off i started feeling horrible.
so yes. i am on a fast right now. extremely exhausted, light headed and pissy at everything. just slightlyy underweight, but not really enough to raise eyebrows. its just so frustrating:/ like i havn't eaten in almost three days!! and i still look like this! pooop.

my mom wants to take me out to eat at this magic show thing on saturday...so im trying to mentally prepare myself now so i dont have another 'steakhouse' night.
i want to eat. not really because im hungry, but because im boreed of tasting nothing:/ sucks man.

[Veganelf]

Don't really know the point of this post. I guess I just wanted to vent or find support.
I've recently been in crazy restriction mode and am finally starting to fast again.

First of all: I don't want to get better. All I want to do is to starve. Being EDNOS, I am also not underweight.
I don't know. I am just so tired.

I'm angry that I'm succeeding at fasting but not skinny enough.
I'm scared to death that this will trigger a binge, but I definitely can't stop fasting.
I bought another scale after throwing one away a few months ago and plan on weighing myself tomorrow after these laxatives kick in.

Thanks for listening. Anyone else want to vent?

Yes! This is me almost exactly. I feel like I'm at a crossroads. I have been hoovering about 10 lb above my lowest weight (which STILL is within a normal BMI - fml) and got stuck in a B/P cycle that caused me to struggle with maintaining. Now I'm basically trying to go cold turkey with the B/P which is resulting in full restriction mode. I much prefer restriction to B/P. I'm in more control and don't stress as much about wt gain.

[esoteric-misfit]

Oh, yes, definitely. I feel like I've gained weight thanks to the holidays and such and I really don't want it to happen anymore. I definitely want to be within my goal weight (minus 22 lbs) at least by June 1st. It shouldn't be too difficult, though. I hope...as long as I don't binge or eat any kinds of unhealthy/junk foods...or I don't eat much food at all, which is the one I'm planning on.