Older guys

[scout]

So, last night I went on a date with a guy who I thought was 25 (I'm 20 btw) and we really hit it off. He was so nice and sweet and I think he liked me too. When he got back in his car to drive me home I saw that in the back seat there was a car seat. When I asked him about it he said that he had a 3 year old daughter and that he didn't tell me because it was only the first date and he didn't really know how to bring it up. Even though I was a bit taken aback by it, I didn't really mind.
Then today, he added me on fb and I realized that he's actually 29, not 25. So he;s 9 years older than me. I don't know really how I feel about that. I mean I really like him and I don;t really think I'm mind the fact that he's older but it's just that I'm just worried that he's going to think that I'm too young. I mean he knows that I'm 20 but I'm just not that experienced and obviously he doesn't know that considering it was only the first date... I thought that he really liked me and he asked me out again, but I;m just worried that if he knows that I'm a virgin (and I mean that in every sense of the word) then he'll be completely turned off by me. It's hard enough having to date someone when you have an ed, I just don't know if I can handle him being turned off by my lack of experience too.
I just really want another opinion on the matter. I really don;t want to cancel our date but if it's just inevitable that he;s going to break up with me because of my lack of experience and the fact that I'm younger maybe I should just beat him to the bunch...

[divinenine]

If he likes you for you and enough to ask you ask out on another date, then your experience, or lack there of, shouldn't matter. I know it doesn't seem like it, but there are guys out there who care about more then sex. Being that he's 29 and has a three year old, his life goals, and what matters to him in a woman are going to be different then a younger, childless guy. Or at least they should be.
But I'm twenty, and I date older guys simply because they tend to be more mature and more understanding. You can have actual conversations with them and they care deeper then the sex aspect. I'm not a virgin, but I don't give it up easy either.
If he's a real man, he'll understand were you're coming from and most importantly he'll respect it. Like you said, it's already hard enough having a relationship when you have an ED, don't let anything that might not be necessary to fret over get in the way. If the topic comes up, my advice would be to be honest, but don't worry about it. It's just a second date, enjoy your self and enjoy the dating experience! best of luck <3 xo

[Mr.Mirror]

Honestly I don't think you should worry about the virgin thing at all. There are guys that get turned off by it, but there are also looots of guys who are crazy about having sex with a virgin woman.

But for what you said this guy seems to be beyond these things (or at least he should be). Having a family really changes the way you see relationships and it makes you look more at the things that really matter.

I'm 26 and I wouldn't mind dating a girl who has never had sex as long as she's cool about it.
But if it's just your second date maybe you still have some time before having to worry about it, right?

[f-g]

Did you assume he was 25 or did he tell you he was 25? Thats one lie if he said he was 25...

ok not telling you about the kid isnt a lie but you got to think of what else hes not telling you? Like the relationship with the babies mother, is it civil or will she call you up and bite your head off (this has happened to me)

and the virgin thing, i wouldnt worry about that some people think thats seriously sexy!

[elzie]

If you like him, go for it. You're both legal and adults. Just make sure that everything comes into the open, no more secrets.

[kittycat]

wowowow, well you have to be reaponsible and you should tell him to be honest about himself.
You can try to go out with him again, just keep your eyes open.

[scout]

So, we went out again and he explained the whole thing. Basically what had happened was about a month ago he came to my work (I'm a server at a dinner theatre) and asked for my number, when I didn;t give it to him, he went and asked my manager for it and she asked him how old he was but miss heard it and thought he said 25 not 29 (she's kind of a scatter brain like that so I can see that happening, lol). And he also thought that I was 24-25 not 20. So, it was really a misunderstanding. I asked him if he was okay with that and he said that he didn't mind at all and was just concerned about me not being okay with it. He was just saying that it's not about the age, it's about the person. Idk, I know it seems kinda weird and it is a big age difference but I really do like him and he seems to like me (which I never thought would happen because i'm, well... I'm just nothing special) and in all honesty, it's kind of nice that he's older because he's so much more mature than the guys I usually date (not that I date a lot) and he's just really respectful of me and treats me really nice. The only thing is that I am still really worried about the whole virgin thing. Just out of curiosity, when do you guys think that I will have to tell him about that? Can I get away with just never telling him or do you think it will be obvious by the way I act? I really wish I wasn't a virgin... so embarrassing!!
Oh, and on a side note, I'm already finding the whole ed thing a little stressful with him, I just don't like eating, especially not in front of other people, and I just wish I could go on a dinner date with him just like a normal person. How do you guys deal with that and, not that I ever want to tell anyone about my ed (especially not a guy I'm seeing so that he'll just be completely grossed out by me) but how long into a relationship do you wait until telling the other person and did they find out on there own or did you just randomly tell them? I'm sorry for rambling on about this but I just really don;t know what to do and would really like some opinions/advice!! Thanks so much for the suggestions though! It really made me feel a lot better about the whole thing! xx

[sAint]

late 20s send alarm bells off in my head haha ..they always seem to know what theyre doing unlike alot of younger guys ..and i think they like that novelty of banging someone about a decade younger than them (im 19)

[lycopenelove]

when i was 20, i dated a 29 year old and he was super sweet and respectful too (i’ve always had better luck with older guys). we dated a year and i had to break up with him because, although i thought he was a great guy, that “love” connection just wasnt there anymore.
But anyway, the virgin thing, i totally understand how crappy that situation is. Thankfully, i was able to lose it on a drunken night with a friend’s friend. That may sound trashy, but i really just wanted it to be popped (i was 19). I never told him until afterwards, which he seemed totally cool with. I wouldn’t tell this guy unless he asks or somehow it gets brought up (like if you get uncomfortable and need an “out”, then you can use the v-card and i’m sure he’ll slow down). He doesn’t have to know. Just make sure you have lots of foreplay to start with. And there’s always toys you could use to practise on yourself first (that’s what i did). You don’t have to tell him you have no experience..., you could just say “i’m not very experienced, go slow” or whatever. Just make sure you’re comfortable at all times.

Regarding the food thing, i’ve always just ordered salads on dates and i’ve never had a date think i was a pansy eater, just healthy. Or explain how restaurant food portions are huge and get most of it packed up to go.

[KoH.]

I'm gutted i missed this thread! I hope it's not too late lol.

Older guys are really sweet! Some of the time. They're at the age where all that sex stuff just isn't as important as finding a nice woman to be with. But in the back of my mind i can't help agree with what saint said. I hate the thought of being just another challenge for a guy to sleep with by using some charm skills and getting all this false hope. But i haven't let myself fall in love in years and i won't be doing that again in a hurry either, i just don't think you want to be like that.

Your virginity is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's actually a bonus. Don't do it without telling him, he'll be a lot easier with you which you'll be so thankful for. He will know if you don't tell him, not from the way you act, but the fact that you will bleed. He's basically puncturing your skin like the cap of a milk carton lol..

Don't tell him till you've known him long enough to trust him, and to just know him. I'm just worried that if he knew straight away, he'd think you lack the experience to judge a man.. i can't word that right to what i mean properly.

But he could genuinely be a really nice guy. I don't mean to put you off. I do have some hope for the male specimen, i'm just someone that has this problem of falling for the bad guys, and throwing away the good.