Two minds..

[Flytoneverland]

I hate how you know you shouldn't be binging, yet you're sitting there and doing so.
I know that I think all the time about it, it is controlling my life, im always planning when i can have the opportunity to go and buy food, and another little voice will be like "its wrong, just bye something healthy", yet part of me knows that im not going to do that. I just buy something rubbish, and lot of it... i'll even lie to myself and say "this food is for the week" and then by the end of an hour it will all be gone, and left feeling even worse.

Recently however i find myself wanting to purge.. i have only acted on this twice but its scaring me. I havent done it scince, but i find myself feeling so guilty.

How do you cope? It scares me to try and leave the bad food out, but it's almost like i depend on it. I find myself feeling so vulnerable and alone, that i cannot even bare the thought of giving it up, and going to the doctors for help.

When i last went to the doctors for depression and food problems, i came away lying as i was too scared to go to a food clinic for councilling. I'm lying to myself by saying that "I haven't got a problem"

Sorry for this rant, i'm new here (: x

[yourstrulyloved]

Can you write a note to your doctor or even print out what you posted here. It sounds like your really struggling to deal with portion sizes and cravings. It's so hard to exit that cycle and I'm a bit concerned if you don't get support soon things are going to develop and escolate really fast. I was in the same position as you a couple of years ago and put it off believing I just had to try harder but its so hard to do this on your own. I had to return to the doctors because I really could not function if I kept down any morsel of food no matter how big or small or healthy/unhealthy.