she's the love of my life or something.

[changethevision]

my best friend, the girl of my dreams, and my ED buddy are all the same person who lives in Alaska, while I'm here in North Carolina. she knows all how I feel about her too, which makes it even more strange and surreal. she says that if she came here (which she will before too long, but whether it'll be a visit or a permanent stay has yet to be decided), then we'd be together. everything just feels so complicated though, I have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it's massively triggered with the jealousy I get anytime she talks about being with one of the guys she lives around and has feelings for. and it's all the more ridiculous because I have a boyfriend, albeit one who lives in California for the time being. I'm just so alone, and I don't know what I want. I don't know what she wants either. one day she'll be standoffish and absorbed in some guy she's seeing, the next day she'll be telling me how much she loves me and how great a friend I am, and talking about a relationship between us. I just wish I could love her properly, you know?
I guess I'm just venting here or something, this is all hard to put into words. but I've never felt this way about anyone else, and I've never even met her in person properly. but god, she's so beautiful and perfect.

[SteveO]

There are thousands of girls closer to you who will have all the same things going for them, this kind of thing never works out well.

[FleetingHope]

Try not to get too caught up in here especially before you meet her. I know it isn't easy, but like SteveO said, you can most likely find someone much closer to you that is just as beautiful and a great person