Really hurting

[sparkleandfade]

I'm hurting so, so badly. This is one of the worst nights I've had in a longg time. All of my friends went out and I actually can't get myself out of my bed to get ready or go out. So now, I'm sitting here feeling more alone than ever and I'm honestly scared for myself. It hurts deep in my heart and in the very pit of my stomach. I feel so beyond hopeless right now and just want to talk to my friends but I can't because they would ask why I'm depressed and I can't tell anyone about my eating disorder. I just really need someone to talk to and to talk me off the ledge. I'm not going to commit suicide, I'm just hurting really badly. I can't even sleep and I'm so beyond exhausted. Ahhhhh.

[JEANNE]

I am so sorry you feel so low tonight. It is an awful state of mind to be in. Do you have just one person that you can let in and tell about what you are going through? One person you can trust with your story? It does help to share.... is there a counselor at your school or a teacher you trust? A friend that is worthy of trusting? IDK what to say other than I am sorry its rough. it gets better, it really does get better. Take care, hang in there and maybe plan to do one nice thing for yourself tomorrow??????

[Jacklinger]

I'm sorry to hear that Sparkle. Are you going to be ok?

[wh1testar]

This is how I felt today. Kind of...I know what you mean. It's just one of those days dear. You either wallow it out, and take in and submit to it...or fight it a little. You don't have to go out or play some music and dance if you don't feel up to doing anything physically...Just keep yourself occupied. Read one of your favorite books, or write in your journal, or try watching something you love. We are all here for you and know what you're going through by having an ED. You can talk to any of us and we'll listen. Don't feel defeated, you'll be okay. I always need someone to tell me everything will be okay at my lowest points. You'll be amazing, just don't let everything consume you. You're stronger than that.

[elzie]

*HUUUUUUUUUUUUG* you need to talk to someone before this gets any worse!

[KoH.]

aw :/ i struggle with this every time i have to go out too. sometimes to the point where i'd feel so crap that i'm crying about it.
i have this other side that pushes me out the door and it has to try so, so hard. there has been passed occasions where my friends also pushed my ass outside. most time failed but i'm getting better at getting out. the best thing to do is to not think about anything, just to get ready, and no thinking. do things, then think after, but just for a little bit.

[sparkleandfade]

Thanks everyone for the support and kind words. I don't know why but lately I have felt so withdrawn and lonely. I don't want to be around other people though a lot of the time. I just want to sit in my room and cut mostly. Wow I'm dramatic but this is just how I feel lately and I really am considering going to talk to a counselor here at my school (I'm in college) or something. My anxiety is getting to an unbearable level and I don't know how much longer I can hold out, but I'm so scared to talk to someone about it.