Stuck living (literally) (This is a really pathetic and depressing post)

[Whatstheirsecret]

Last night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, but extremely restless and a little, i don't know, almost distressed and panicky. And I had a horrible and truthful thought. I don't want to live. It was the first time I had thought that with certainty. So then I was like alright dumb shit, kill yourself then. Which is when I had the second, and equally horrifying thought. I don't want to die either.

And then I started really panicking. "Where the fuck does that leave me?!!?!!? Where?" The feeling I am feeling is so scared. Stuck. Stuck in a life I do not want to live. Stuck in a body I do not want to have. Stuck binging and purging and everyday being a more fucking up version of me than the day before.

Its really.. sad. I don't know where to go from here. Has anyone ever felt like this?

I told my ex and he told me I need to find something to live for? Well jeez. DO you know how how badly I wish I had something to live for?

At this point all I can honestly hope for is the will to die. I figure as soon as I stop caring about who would and would not come to my funeral, I am ready.

[xXxXx]

It's awful to feel like this. It's an everyday thought for me for months on end sometimes but I have managed to ride it out.
The best thing to do is wait, eventually even if it's not all the time you won't feel like this.
I know that my mood will change and recognise that I have a mental health problem that will cause me to go through these periods.
Take it one day at a time, wake up and tell yourself that you just need to manage today.
Really hope you're ok.
X

[alittlebitstronger]

This is a familiar feeling. It is hard to know what to say when you live the exact same way. In some sort of parallel world where living is just as painful as dying so you keep just surviving. I wish I was more of a help, but all I can say is to keep pushing on and to never stop looking for that something to live for or just to fill the time of thinking in a dreadful way. Best wishes.

[biochemguy]

I'm at this point as well. Been like that for a while now. After 10 years, I'm just done with life's shit but it's that duality that is the catch 22. -__-

[The Hatter]

I've been stuck in this cycle of apathy for 3 weeks now. It's a horrible feeling being "stuck" in these feelings.

If you ever need to reach out to someone, feel free to PM me.