Abortion?

[Dezzie]

My dad just saw the cuts on my arms, they're a couple days old. He asked if they were new I lied and said they were over a week old, he knows I lied. He doesn't even know about my baby yet. I'm having second thoughts about this whole thing. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a mother. I'm only 16. I can't even think right now. I have to make up my mind about this soon. If I don't, if I wait too long I can't get an.. abortion. I can't even imagine it. But, honestly I'm still a kid myself. I just can't deal with this. I look at myself 10 years from now. I'd be 26 with a ten year old child, but the thing is I can't imagine what life would be like. It's so selfish of me. To kill it, but I don't want to bring an unwanted child into the world. I was once that baby. My mom was only two years older than me. She never wanted me and I held her back from achieving her dreams. I don't want my baby to like this. I'm not even fit for motherhood. I mean, I'm bulimic, I cut, I drink, I do drugs and I'm just not ready. Writing this out has made my decision. I know I'll be sad, but if heaven is real he/she will go there. If reincarnation is real, hopefully he/she will be sent to a better mommy.

I'm sorry to all those pro-life people on this site. But this is my decision. I know I'm young, and please don't think this was an easy decision. It's made my life hellish. My mom doesn't even know. I don't know why I was even considering keeping the baby. I was so sure of myself. I thought I'd be the perfect mom. I thought my mom wouldn't mind and my dad would support me. But reality isn't that nice. Please understand. I feel bad enough. I mean, I'm cutting already. I'm going to call the women's clinic in the morning and make an appointment for, hopefully, Friday.

Thanks for the help on my other post.

Dezzie.

[Nerissa]

Dezzie, if you were in the UK, I'd come and hold your hand for the appointment. You're making a terribly difficult decision, but whatever is right for you is the right thing to do, and you have my support.

I don't know what the system is like where you are or how the general population see abortion. Here it's reasonably common, so although that doesn't make it an easy thing to do, at least you're not as severely judged. It sounds like you're rather too unwell to be carrying a baby anyway - you have an eating disorder, you're taking drugs, you're harming yourself and you're obviously severely distressed. It's not an environment to grow a healthy new life, and you're basically still a child yourself. There are a few women who manage to become excellent mothers at young ages, but they're a minority, and I think your focus needs to be on yourself right now, not on someone else.

I don't know if it helps at all, but I went through a similar dilemma 10 years ago - I had a termination when I was 14. It was really hard, and there are times when I regret the details, but overall I know I made the right choice, for myself and the baby. I'm sure a lot of pro-life people are reading this and wondering how an abortion can be right for the baby? I don't believe an embryo has a soul or a consciousness. A baby, yes, but before birth, and certainly so early in pregnancy, it's not a human being yet. If the mother has a miscarriage or a termination, it's not the same as a baby dying; I believe the soul that would have gone to that child, goes somewhere else instead to be born. In my case, I hope that my baby went and was born into a family with lots of love and affection, not to a 14 year old single mother with PTSD. It sounds like for Dezzie, it's best for the soul that would become her baby, to become someone else instead, someone with a big network of love around them, not a scared mum who isn't ready.

I don't know you well, Dezzie, but you have my full support in this, and you can PM me any time. I don't know what your family setup is like, so I don't know whether you feel able to talk to your parents, but find an adult who can support you through this. Please look after yourself sweetie. I think I may have just rambled unhelpfully, but if you can glean anything useful from it, say the word and I'll ramble some more.

[Dezzie]

Thank you. I made the appointment for tomorrow. My parents don't know and I don't think I'm going to tell them until I don't live with them anymore. I live in Vancouver Canada and abortion is legal here and not something I'll get in trouble for. My mom has had an abortion herself. I think I'm going alone. My best friend is picking me up afterwards. I'm scared shitless right now, but I can't raise a child.

[n-r]

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. I also think you are making the right decision, though. If you had that baby and weren't able to give it all that it needed it might grow into a person as sick as any of us, and I sometimes wonder why I was born if I was just going to fall apart the way I have (I hate that so much), and I could never bare knowing I may have inflicted/brought that about in someone else if there was any chance I had not been the best mother I could have been and all that a new life deserves which, being sick the way I am now (in practically the exact same way as you), I know I could not be. (I don't think that was very articulate, but it's almost too complex a feeling to describe, but whatever it is, no one has any right to blame or judge you [not even yourself: you didn't want or ask for this].)

I think all you can do is, for your baby, get better! Do whatever it takes to get better after this!

P.S. I live in Vancouver, too, and I know we've never met, but if there is anything you need.

[Dezzie]

Thanks But I feel like I need to do this alone. I love my baby and even though I'm killing it I want to spend my last few minutes with the baby alone.

[bravebones]

I am 26 and I had an abortion at 17. It was really hard for me at the time but in the end and now as an adult, I have never regretted my decision. My life would have been extremely difficult with a baby at that age. I think you are making the right decision and thinking about the future; not only for yourself but for a potential baby's life too.

Please know that you are not alone. There will be people that will judge you and not support you, but I do. Please remember that there are people who think you are still a beautiful person.

[elzie]

Ok...I had an abortion at 16. It was the operation kind. I tell you what, fuck the pro life people on here/anywhere it is YOUR choice. I was using contraception when I found out I was pregnant. I was anorexic, on drugs and a binge drinker. I COULDN'T have the baby, I needed to go to college to study, have a life. The baby would of suffered. I'm pro choice.

It's not going to be easy. I wish you all the best. I now have a son who's 3 and he's my life, (I had him when I was 18) happiness can come afterwards I promise. Pro life people think you can walk in the and back out without fluttering an eyelid and that's not true, it deeply affects you. But it'll be okay. Do you have to go through this on your own? Please tell someone. I told my big sister then my mum and she was pretty calm which I didn't expect. Also, please don't program in your mind that you're killing it, that'll make it so much worse. YOU are NOT a killer, you're helping the baby and yourself. *HHUG*