Was It Sexual Assault?

[OverAchiever2013]

So I'm just curious.... My ex bf pressured me into going pretty far with him. He never physically forced me, but he often guilted me into it. I never wanted to do any of it, but he often said he'd love me more if I did, he'd stay with me forever if I did, stuff like that. (I know, I know, RETARDED reasons looking back on it....) But anyways, some of my friends are telling me that what he did to me could be considered sexual assault. I'm not going to press charges or anything but I'm just curious. We never went all the way even though he did try guilting me into that very often. Unfortunately we did pretty much everything else though. So yea, I'm just wondering what your opinions are.
My personal opinions are that I did it to myself, sure I didn't want to, but I gave in when he pressured me. This has been hurting me for months and I've often cut and even had what I believe are panic attacks because I feel so guilty for essentially giving up my innocence for this guy. (yes, i'm still a virgin but it still feels like my innocence is gone).
I'm not looking for comfort in lies. If you believe it's my fault say so, if not say so. I just really want to know for sure if it was sexual assault or not. Please and thanks

[Ivy45]

I would consider it to be more emotional abuse than sexual.

[OverAchiever2013]

Thanks. I wasn't sure.

[caisara]

So I'm just curious.... My ex bf pressured me into going pretty far with him. He never physically forced me, but he often guilted me into it. I never wanted to do any of it, but he often said he'd love me more if I did, he'd stay with me forever if I did, stuff like that. (I know, I know, RETARDED reasons looking back on it....) But anyways, some of my friends are telling me that what he did to me could be considered sexual assault. I'm not going to press charges or anything but I'm just curious. We never went all the way even though he did try guilting me into that very often. Unfortunately we did pretty much everything else though. So yea, I'm just wondering what your opinions are.
My personal opinions are that I did it to myself, sure I didn't want to, but I gave in when he pressured me. This has been hurting me for months and I've often cut and even had what I believe are panic attacks because I feel so guilty for essentially giving up my innocence for this guy. (yes, i'm still a virgin but it still feels like my innocence is gone).
I'm not looking for comfort in lies. If you believe it's my fault say so, if not say so. I just really want to know for sure if it was sexual assault or not. Please and thanks

Yes, it's sexual assault. It's not wanted, it's assault. Pretty simple.

Jessica Valenti has more.

Also, what a f***ing a**.

[wingspan]

I kind of understand how you feel. I wondered this as well. It didnt happen consistently like your situation, but one time my ex-boyfriend kept pressuring me into sex when I told him over and over I wasnt in the mood. He kept climbing on top of me, trying to lift off my clothes, and coerce me into sex. I told him no many times and would push him away, and he never physically forced me, but definitely guilted me into eventually having sex with him. He got upset that I wasnt in the mood, and told me he just wanted to make me happy until I just gave in and had sex with him.

It wasnt physical force, but I do think it is wrong for someone to guilt you into sex, especially if theyre purposely being manipulative.

[weightlessrunner]

Didn't you post this elsewhere? Anyway same response - assault? No. Harassment? Yes.

[changethevision]

if he pressured you, and you don't feel totally comfortable with the decision or with what you were coerced into, then yes, it was assault.

[elzie]

He can guilt you all he want but if you ended up doing it and you're both legal, it's not sexual assault. That's like you're friend saying "steal me some sweets?" "no" "ok not your friend then." so you do it...you're still the one consenting.

It is however emotional abuse, but there's not much you can do about it.

[wingspan]

He can guilt you all he want but if you ended up doing it and you're both legal, it's not sexual assault. That's like you're friend saying "steal me some sweets?" "no" "ok not your friend then." so you do it...you're still the one consenting.

It is however emotional abuse, but there's not much you can do about it.

This is very true.

[Bathory]

Firstly, what an asshole.

I would say it's more along the lines of sexual harassment and emotional abuse than assault, since it doesn't sound like there has been any sort of violence and physical injury.

Dismissing what some other people have said, I wouldn't exactly regard this situation as being consensual. You didn't want this. You gave in because he was manipulating you with pressure/emotional abuse and you felt like you had to be submissive to maintain the harmony in your relationship.