Desire to be skinny vs. fear of being fat.

[bagelbeautyxO]

I consider my weight to be normal and I can't really picture myself being skinnier, but I am so afraid of becoming overweight and saying "The weight just crept up on me and I didn't notice"...so I restrict to try to balance things out after a day of overeating.

If you restrict calories or purge, do you do it in an effort to be skinny or for fear of gaining weight?

[radiostatic]

Fear of gaining, for sure. I'm already fat enough, so it sucks when all the hard work I've put in gets ruined by binging. It makes me feel like I'll never get where I want. Though, I can imagine it's only going to get worse the thinner I get. I'd already had my weight "creep up on me" before, and it was a horrible experience, and I refuse for it to ever happen again.

[weightlessrunner]

I think part of me wants to lose weight but the logical side of me just doesn't want to gain weight.

[Veganelf]

Six of one, half a dozen of another. Logically, I know I'm not over weight, but I look to me like "it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds", so I restrict to lose weight and then when I am feeling comfortable (rarely), I restrict to keep from gaining.

[Short&sweet]

Kinda both... Rationally I know I'm underweight and everything and sometimes I like how thin parts of me are, so I'm scared to lose those if I eat and get fat, but the numbers going down make me really happy and I do restriict to lose weight. Ironically, the more I restrict to lose weight the more I restrict out of fear of gaining that back.. If that makes sense

[awake]

I think it's both I would like to lose more weight, and I know I defintely can't *gain* anymore so I restrict to at least maintain where I am if not losing.

But more than that - I feel out of sorts in other areas of my life if I'm not restricting

[StudyingALot]

For me it's neither, it's all about the numbers. I think I'd look better if I gained 10 pounds (that would still be underweight but barely instead of severely); I look at pictures from when this started and I looked PERFECT. But I just can't eat more calories. I love the numbers when they're triple digits; I love it to be 600 cals and already bedtime. I love it.
And although I liked the way I looked and felt at 95lbs, I love the way 85lbs looks on a scale. That's honestly the only reason.

[Lichen]

At first, neither. Purging was an extension of self-harm I continued because I loved the weird constricted emptiness feeling after getting rid of "bad" foods. Does anyone remember when their mindset switched? I started worrying about my body when I stopped being paranoid about food. Now, my disordered habits help maintain or decrease my weight, when that hadn't been a focus for the first decade of my ed.

[kittycat]

Gaiining weight is scary as hell..im trying to gain some, but it's not that easy. My mind is not happy about it, but my common sence keeps telling me I still need to live. Sometimes I think maybe I should be overweight, but I know then I would hate myself evan more..
IDK!!

[amazon626]

I want to lose weight. I don't want to gain weight, but I'm not really "afraid" of gaining weight. I just want to be thin. and right now I'm actually overweight.