I'm really not sure If have OCD or not?

[shannonichigo]

I went to the doctors about 2 weeks ago to ask there, the woman said I was, she referred me to a therapist. However, I really do not think I am. Maybe it's because I'm stressed and feel the need to control other things besides what I eat?

I'm constantly tidying my room, when I'm not I am looking around my room for things that are out of place. Recently I've been lining things up, I've never really done this before, but everything has to be straight now. I clear my internet history every time I change pages. This is new, too. If things don't feel right I get extremely frustrated, angry and depressed.

I went through a period of trashing my room, this only lasted a week luckily. My thoughts were that if my room couldn't be perfect and spotless then I'd have to make it messy. I thought maybe if it was messy I wouldn't care. That didn't work...I spent the early hours of the morning cleaning it all up.

In school I'm really behind on my work, and it will be my last year soon. I am behind in art because I wasn't satisfied with the quality of my work, so I ripped pages of my book out. My teacher had a fit when he found out. He said there was nothing wrong with it. There was. In graphics I spent the whole lesson on the computer on Publisher making sure the pictures and text boxes were the same distance apart, and the same distance from the border. Once it was done I still wasn't satisfied, I kept zooming in on every page to check it was right. I then messed every page up, the distances were all different. Yet again my technique didn't work. I spent almost 3 hours afterschool making sure it was right.

There are other little things too, like my pencils in my pencil case have to face the same way. When the zip is closed it must be on the right side with the pencils facing to the left. I'll constantly check this to make sure it is right, sometimes emptying my pencil case and putting everything back in. I no longer wear foundation or eyeliner because I got frustrated when my foundation wasn't flawless or my eyeliner was smudged or uneven. This is the same for nail varnish too. It's like everything has to be purposely messy or it has to be perfect.

I feel like things have to match. My password is the same for everything. My username is the same too, apart from on here. My profile picture is the same, I only have one picture on Facebook. Sometimes I change my style. At the moment my room has many decorations, cuddly toys on my bed and a floral bedsheet. Before my room was minimal. I threw all of my room decorations out, posters, everything. I didn't want to own anything that was decorative. I wanted my room to be an empty shell, because of this I threw away a lot of things I really wish I wouldn't have. Bracelets that were bought for me from friends, etc.

I really don't think this is OCD behaviour though, there is a difference between having OCD and just being neat and tidy. I think I am just a perfectionist, and when I am angry or feel out of control this is how I deal with it.

I'm posting this for other opinions, I really don't think that doctor knew what she was talking about. She stressed to me that OCD wasn't a disease, but it was getting in the way of my life, consuming my time and that I needed help. (Thanks for that, making me feel totally normal.)

[KoH.]

You sound like me lol. I'm sort of passed the stage that i know i can't be perfect, so i have to make things perfectly messy. Like it can't just be a mess but a precise mess if you can understand that. If someone else touches something i'd have to move it to how i feel is right even though it's probably messier and i won't like that either... etc etc.
I don't think i have OCD though, but reading what you say it isn't normal and it could be, but eh i don't know. I think naming someone with a disorder is stupid really and at the end of the day we're all people who just have a couple of funny traits here and there that make us who we are.

[caisara]

I can see why she thought you were OCD. That said, I've never met a person with OCD who was ever ok with messy.

Plus, last time I checked, OCD is a disorder/disease/whatever. If begins with the letter "d" and it's stigmatized, society thinks there's something wrong with you and you really don't want it. Last time I checked, it has its its own entry in the DSM and everything. She shouldn't be trying to dismiss your legitimate concerns with rhetorical sleight-of-hand.

That said, the perfectionism, cleanliness and obsession with spatial relationships between objects are also hallmark of Asperger's. But as I understand it -- which is not very well -- people with Asperger's are more likely to be ok with occasional messiness. At least that's what my friends who have it tell me. (And they swear up and down that I have it too. And they're probably right -- I have very strict wool and artificial fabrics rules, fluroescent light rules, bright sunlight rules, etc. They make me itch too much and give me headaches.)

She probably didn't even think about that in the differential because (a) you're female, and (b) you seem really intelligent and well-spoken. But women with Asperger's tend to be more verbal than boys, so most psychiatrists miss it. If you pursue this route, you should probably see someone who's familiar with how it presents in girls. This is very important: it presents so differently that it's practically a different disease.

If you want to get a second opinion, don't tell the second doctor what the first one said. If you tell them, they'll just agree -- particularly in the psych community.