Ok so in the past few weeks my anorexic tendencies seem to have overridden my bulimia. i haven't binged in about 2 weeks, and haven't purged in a week. I think in my frenzy to get rid of my bulimia i just stopped myself from eating anything, because all food was triggering.
Now i'm addicted to not eating. but i promised myself i would get better by working on NORMAL eating habits, not by starving!
Anyway i've lost quite a bit of weight quite quickly, and i feel dizzy and tired towards the end of the day (my cal intake is 300-500 daily) but during the day i feel strangely happy and at peace with myself. the less i eat, the more energy i have (well, psychologically i suppose)
I don't know when this is gonna end. i'm torn between being scared, because i don't know when i'll stop losing weight, and i'm scared that one day i'll gain it all back like i did a few years ago. Also my parents have seen that i'm losing weight, and they're force-feeding me (which is so degrading). it's caused me to purge normal sized meals.
I also feel happier because i feel like i have full control over food. I'm just always in better spirits, and i've become much more productive and out going.
Sorry about the long post but i just wanna know if anyone else has felt happier and more energetic while going through an anorexic phase? Does anyone know if i'll see sense one day and try and eat normally?
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07-01-2011 #1Veteran Member
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- May 2011
I'm eating less but have more energy! what? (TW)The river it spoke to me, and told me I was small, and I swallowed it down
I feel the same, so far..I've yet to see sense, it gets worse for me, I feel amazing when I don't eat, so pure and beautiful. But it's quickly taken away by even tasting something my mom has cooked..I can't workout without feeling like my heart will explode, but I feel amazing because I haven't eaten.
Jeez..sorry. well, TL;DR
I understand your feelings, I don't know if you will start to see sense because I myself have yet to see it. I wish you goodluck, please stay safe.~I've got high hopes baby
But all you do is take me down to depths that I never knew ~
07-01-2011 #3Veteran Member
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- May 2011
God i feel exactly the same way, sometimes i go out without having eaten and i feel practically high..just floaty and happy. i don't understand. i hate it, because i'm messing up my body and hurting my family, but i love it because it makes me feel good about myself.
Thank you so much for the reply i'm glad it's not just me. good luck for you too xThe river it spoke to me, and told me I was small, and I swallowed it down
07-01-2011 #4Veteran Member
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Worcester UK
I get exactly the same thing. Tos top the bulimia I turn to anorexia and it makes me happy for a while in some way. I do get a buzz from it, just knowing that I have not eaten and given in to binge and purge is a great feeling. But after a while my body starts to shake constantly and I feel twitchy and weak and not so good.Perpetual shit maggot possum
Chad and Pip sitting in a tree...
Yes I can really relate, it's an amazing feeling and that's why it's so hard getting out of it. You feel on top of the world and that's why its so hard to see sense. It's a constant battle.
The same things going on with me right now. I'm bulimic and this is my first restricting episode in nearly 9 months! For some reason I just have little need to binge and i'm too scared to eat normal sized meals. I also haven't purged in any way in the last week. I love this feeling but it sucks though because i'm kidding myself if I start to think my bulimia won't come back strong.
As for finding sense to eating normally, I hope we all find that some day!
I think people with eating disorders think anorexia nervosa is the superior disease because of the amount of control one feels versus the out of control feeling that bulimia gives you. This could be why you seem to have more energy, you are happier that you are resticting (having more control) than when binge/purging (no control). I know somedays I have so much energy because I am so happy that I lost weight and how I "don't need food". The mind is capable of a lot of complex things and certainly plays a roll in how your physical symptoms are. I have no idea if you will start to eat normally. I think energy piece and getting better are a little unrelated and may even cause your eating disorder to get worse.
"I went to seek a Great Perhaps..."
"...and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
in another moment down went alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again."
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This is where it all begins...I used to buzz off it after a couple of days. you will have all the energy in the world but sooner or later it'll affect your body. be safe pleaseThe meaning of life is that it stops - Franz Kafka
Women have no sympathy and my experience of women is almost as large as Europe - Florence Nightingale
i totally can relate to that but to me it seems as if you mistake the "high feeling" with having actually more energy. cuz i'm so familar with feeling all light headed and kinda high from not eating but i doubt that it's an increase of energy. where should the energy come from if somebody's not eating enough? food=fuel for the body= energy