How are you feeling right now?

[bittergreen]

We have a "What're you currently thinking?" thread, so I thought one about how we're feeling might be a good idea. Anything goes -- positive, negative, silly, serious, physical feelings, mental/emotional ones, one word or three paragraphs... whatever you want.

Right now, I'm feeling kind of tired (I didn't get any sleep last night, just an hour or two early this afternoon), but a little more awake and energetic after making a cup of tea. Also feeling kinda quiet and contemplative, like I want to be alone... which is the opposite of how I've been feeling a lot lately. Hrmm.

[LollipopTrees]

Humorous and a bit engrossed..

Humorous, because of something funny that happened on my Sims game.. ofc lol

And engrossed in thought, because I just don't know what I want to do about my relationship with my boyfriend.

=\

....I like the Sims one best

[writtenthin]

Exhausted from lack of sleep and too much homework. Hungry because I'm determined to make my goal. Happy because I'm pretty sure I lost a pound today.

[moodyladym]

I'm feeling pretty pissed off right now! Everyone is on my nerves and i want my husband to just to go the hell away
I had along day, i can never seem too sleep!! but hey i have lost two pounds so that makes me happy
sorry for ranting !!!!

[dinahwherever]

Anxious... Smoking my last cigarette, figuring out what I'm gonna pack for the week-long trip that I'm taking on Monday. It's for school. So nothing interesting, really. Also worried about cleaning up the apartment properly in time for my father's arrival from his business trip. Shaky because of the cigarettes. Tired. Upset because I haven't done any of the work I had to do for school tomorrow, and worried that I'll finally have to explain to my teacher that severe depression is the actual reason why I haven't been able to do any work lately. Mixed emotions, hah hah.

[cricket3808]

Exhausted from throwing up (not purging, my gastroparesis is a nightmare)
Frustrated because I'm hungry, but can't eat even without my ED screaming at me not to anyway because of my stupid gastroparesis
Sad because there's nothing I can do about it
Conflicted because I'm not sure if I should try going into treatment where I'll be feeding 6 times a day b/c of this gastroparesis
Numbed out due to lack of nutrition and tired from spending so much time in the bathroom
Worried because the enamel on my teeth is eroding, worried about electrolyte imbalances
Piggy for trying to nibble a couple crackers to settle my stomach
Paranoid about gaining weight
Curious/bored trying to find something to occupy me until med time
Scared to try eating.... and the known consequences

[No way out.]

Sad. Upset. Useless. Horrible. I feel so down, I can't help it. I want to be happy. I had my friends over today, I had music up loud, tried to be happy, but no, still went into that daze, where I felt it was just me in the room, and my crappy feelings.
Reason:
Ever since Friday, all I've been doing was binging! Without purging. It's good that I haven't been purging, but also bad, because of all the self-loathing that comes with it. The urges for SH are coming back, and it is stronger then ever! I REFUSE TO GIVE IN THOUGH! I have gone months (Or I think just about more than a month - It feels like months) without Self harming, and I intend on keeping it that way! I was restricting for about a month or so, then went into a plateu for like a week, which i'm guessing the bining obviosuly got rid of.
When I binge eat, I get into some depressed state.
Also, I haven't been revising at all this holiday!! And I'm going to pay for it May/June! Oh and August,twhen the results come out!
It'd be so easy to not worry about nothing, just stay home, and be in bed forever!

[sicknick70]

Awesome! 1) Some great things in my brain have been clicking. 2) Some deep and meaningful and useful conversations have been occurring between my husband and myself concerning my disorders and recent relapse into bingeing and bulimia and my past alcoholism (my addictive behaviours, in general) and our oddly strong relationship in spite of all our issues. 3) I've been keeping active daily--and really enjoying it--without obsessing over how many calories I'm burning and how fast/well/hard I'm doing. 4) The food noise in my head is quieting.

[bonesesdecorus]

Happy because I got paid, because my baby is asleep, because I didn't gain weight, because I didn't eat yesterday, because I worked out, because I have good friends, because my family is amazingly in denial again, because I am me again.

[bittergreen]

I'm feeling kind of odd... like I'm high, but I haven't smoked any pot in over 24 hours.

I just discovered that when you're fasting or eating very little, apparently the process of lipolysis (the breakdown of fat) can enhance the release of THC from fat stores back into your blood. I figure part of it is just that I'm tired and maybe a little fuzzy-headed, but I also haven't been eating too much for a number of days (basically eating something small once a day), and for several hours now, I've been feeling like I'm crazily stoned.

If that's actually true... haha, wow. Weird.