cover up or not this summer?

[neenna]

Ive not been to this forum so often, cuz Im trying to stop SI, again -.-, and it can be kinda triggering. but now Ive gone 2 or maybe 3 month without it I dont count the days cuz it just stresses me out. and I think that I can handle it now, the trigger thing I mean :P
and now when I dont got any new scabs or scars and summers here, kinda, yea :P anyway Ive decided that this summer Im not hiding in long sleeves! if people wanna think Imma freak Im gonna let them.. I mean fuck them!

and I started this new thing yesterday, I was going downtown to buy a (working ><) scale and it was really hot so I thought why not?
it was a bit uncomfortable at first but I did it been covering up for I dont know how many years! I feel so free! not at home tho, dont want my parents to see.

how do you do it this summer? xo

[iliketurtles]

I've been braving the old bare arms when I'm sure nobody I know will see me...that's about it though. I haven't done anything to myself since April (tried to kill myself, didn't even come close to succeeding but I kind of scared the urge to cut out of myself, so far anyway), but I have more scars than I've had for any recent summer, plus whatever about ones higher up on my arms I'm not comfortable with people seeing my wrists I've been wearing bangles though, lots of them!

Good for you, both for stopping the SI and being brave enough to go bare! *claps*

[neenna]

oh, I hope you´re alright? since april, thats a long time!
Im kinda like that too, scared of cutting, I dont really know how much of it thats under my control and not, you know? I do bangles too, love them, and that the style is big big! lol
and thanks :P

[iliketurtles]

Yeah I know exactly what you mean, I presented myself to the mental health services in university because I'd always used cutting as a coping device and never seen it as a problem up until recently, I didn't know how much control I had over it and for the first time I felt it'd be impossible (rather than just difficult) to stop. Obviously that wasn't the best choice, they put me on anti-depressants and I tried to kill myself while on them, I stopped taking them immediately afterwards and stopped going to counselling, I wanted to take control of the situation myself. Sounds strange but I felt so panicked thinking of having to go to counselling, and I felt so ashamed of myself getting a prescription filled for the meds when I didn't really believe I needed them. The second I put myself into the system I (rightly or wrongly) felt like I'd made myself their responsibility, I felt helpless and ashamed and got way worse, the second I took myself out I felt like I was my own responsibility again and had to answer to myself.

But I feel fine now, just have to be aware of what's going on in my own head. Oh and not drink vodka, that's very important! Looong reply

[EmptyCupOfHappiness]

Good job, I like that - "I mean fuck them!".
I'm afraid I will be covering up this Summer.. sucks =P.