daretofly11

Im absolutely freezing. The past week has thrown me so far back into not eating it makes me sick in a way, and in another i feel as though im succeeding at a slow death; disappearing. Everyone has something they are good at, I can lose weight. I dont need food its selfish.
Generally I can see things from many sides lately my head is just spinning.

First of all my gf goes on a break with me after deciding she can no longer deal with my eating disorder and the personality I seem to have attained along with it. She said when Im better she will be here. The more I think about that the more upset it makes me. I would never leave her side no matter what.

I started talking to her ex who has eating issues as well. For the first time in a long time I dont feel completely alone. It was cute her and her gf me and mine. Then all great things come to an end. My gf came onto her gf. It was the biggest smack in the face, after I was cheated on she swore never again. I've come to the realization that she just has issues with commitment. I always wanted to stay with her through everything waiting for things to go back to the way they were when everything was perfect. After this week, after all thats been said and done I dont know if I can ever look at her the same again.

It makes me want to cry but I think I am all cried out. I've taken the verbal abuse of my parents years after years. Weight, school, self worth, ect my self esteem is non existent. The came the bf..I still remember when he took it too far one day. He pressured me into sex didnt let me have any friends and pretty much brain washed me. I can not go through this again.

I really do just want to disappear.
I know what needs to be done. My heart aches that this is what it came to.