daretofly11

So I like writing but I haven't in quite a while sooo its difficult to say the least.

Im in "recovery" now let me tell you what that is like.
First of all, I moved back home. In other words I constantly have my grandmother following me around asking me if I've eaten. I have to eat with my family 2 to 3 times a week which in my mind = shit how can I NOT eat? and I have to look at my fat family every day.

My girlfriend says I wa the perfect weight when we met. Thats 130lbs I havent weighed myself in a week in attempts to show myself that i can eat and not be "fat". I see sickly thin people and think well, I dont want to be like that, but truthfully I do. I get this euphoria from not eating from watching the weight drop off. We went to six flags yesterday and I have bruises on my hipbones and spine from the rides. In a sick and twisted way I love it.
Everyone wants me to get better and I know if I get better i could possibly move back in with my girlfriend in which I was actually really happy with. She wants me healthy though before I do. In other parts of my mind im running with the fact that I can starve myself skinny and not give a crap about what everyone else is saying. I fit into pants I wore in like 7th grade lol. I love it. Im so fucked up I dont know what to do with myself anymore.

..=(