xxbuzzxx

i dont even know how to start. im sorry this is probably gonna bit more of a rant kind of thing.
eeeeew i just put accidently touched my stomache.im soo fat and disgusting i hate myself so much. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like i just cant carry on.i cant seem to do anything. im a complete failure and i feel so pathetic and disusting. i just want to end it all.
they say that if you want something bad enough then it is possible. to me that just doesnt seem true. there is no hope where has it gone? why did you go?
i need something to hold on to but i cant see a single bit of hope anywhere. i always fail, i always dissapoint and give in. and i hate it. the worst part for me is that i dont know why. what is it that stops me from being able to get better?
It all comes down to me doesnt it? its me. and that makes me hate myself even more.
i just cant go on like this anymore. but i kind find my way out, no matter what i try. i need to feel better. im afraid that i may do something stupid.
the other day i actually got to the point of getting out the pills which would stop it all. i actually went and got them. i cant let myself do that. icant do that to my family. i hate what im doing to my family. but i dont think i can control aanything anymore. i could do anything. and i dont know what to do. i feel so lost. there is so much pain.
sorry its such a morbid post. i just needed to let this out somewhere.