by, 08-02-2010 at 10:18 PM (322 Views)
It´s 05:15 pm and the entire ward is asleep, except for the nurses. I myself havent gone to sleep tonight, cause I dont feel like I need it. My body wants to stay awake, and I´ve spent the night handwashing all my clothes and cleaning the entire unit. The nurses working tonight are really good, they are letting me do my things without chasing after me reminding me I'm not allowed to stand up, let along moving around doing psysical activities. I love early mornings like this, when the ward is all quiet and I can watch the sun rise through the windows. Today it's even more quiet than usual, there is no one screaming, no one walking up and down the halls. Infact, I'm the only one awake, everyone else is sound asleep.
Coffee is not allowed until 6 pm, cause they want us to go back to bed if we wake up to early. All nurses take this rule very seriously. They will not give you coffee one minute before 6 o'clock. I however, have manished to sneak in a package of instant coffee to the ward, which I keep well hidden underneeth my pillows. Lukewarm tapwater and instant coffee is not really that bad when you're desperate. and toothbrushes work just fine for stiring ít around.
As I'm writing this the ward is starting to come alive. Two fellow patients have joined me in the dayroom, and I can hear someone showering in the background. One man has been screaming really loud for a couple of minutes, and I just saw him being carried away to the "room for calming down", aka the room with the restrainingbed. He came here yesturday all torn up because he just found out his 14 years old son killed himsellf. I wish so bad to help him, but there is nothing I can do to make it better, there is nothing I can do to bring his child back to life. Now he has no one. His wife died of cancer only a couple of months ago, and he has no other family. His son was all he had. I doubt he'll make it through this, I can tell by the look in his eyes he doesn't even want to try. Even though I can hear him scream, I know he's dead allready. Another life lost, and another typical morning at unit 27.