Emotions: Love vs. Eating Disorder.

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Picture a wrestling match. You're in the auidence.
The tension is high, you're excited, you have a frount row seat.
A mans voice is on the loud speaker, he is introducing the opponents.

" On the right side of the ring is "Sarah's Love for her Boyfriend"
weighing in at 100000lbs, and is somewhere between weak and strong."

"And on the left side of the ring is "Ana", weighing in at 0lbs, and is as strong as ever."

Ding ding ding.

The match is starting,
Who are you rooting for?


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Jacklinger]

Give me $50 on the Love-thing-wrestler. He's huge, it's a sure thing.

[bones]

You know what's sad?
I think of that everyday.
I wonder if I love Ana more than I love him.
Because I feel like I love him more than anything and I just want to be with him and grow old with him.
But I must love Ana more because I'm killing myself.
And I feel like I won't get to have my beautiful life with him.
Or I feel bad because I feel like I'm lying to him because he doesn't know about Ana.

It puts me in such a weird trip sometimes.

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Bones- I know exactly how you feeel.

I want to marry my boyfriend..but how can I do that if I allow
ana to kill me before he pops the question...

[Jacklinger]

The dragon fell dead at the feet of the brave knight with a mighty thud and terrible death gurgle, it's wounds terrific and awesome, inflicted by sword, skill, and love for a woman. Dropping his sword, exhausted, he flings open the door to the tower prison guarded so many years by the beast. Inside he found the maiden in his dreams, and embraced her, bade her to come away to his lands. But the maiden, refused to step beyond the threshold of the tower door, and the knight returned, alone.

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Jack.. you're so deep.

Did you come up with that?

If so, I'm going to quote you all the time. and say "said jack"

[Tyler3295]

... I want to marry my boyfriend..but how can I do that if I allow ana to kill me before he pops the question...

Or if ANA eventually causes too much of a strain on the relationship?

I am actually going through, pretty much, that right now. I consider myself to have BDD, OCD, ANA, and MIA. As well as anxiety and obesophobia.

There is only so much crap a partner can take. Hell, there is only so much you can EXPECT your partner to take.







..and while I feel that I am doing very well "recovering" from MIA (the binging and purging anyways), I am aware that I will always have symptoms of ANA. I am also aware that I can never drop OCD, BDD, or the anxiety fear with gaining weight and/or being obese.




Like I said, there is only so much crap one can EXPECT their partner to take. Or to "understand".. Or to "deal with".






Ya know? :rolleyes:

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Yeah, seriously.


It's pretty high maintaince to take care of someone
with an eating disorder.

All the screaming and the crying
...and then sometimes i cry too.:rolleyes:

Which ultimately makes it worse
making me think I deserve nothing.
Like I am ruining his life.

[Tyler3295]

... It's pretty high maintaince to take care of someone with an eating disorder.

"Pretty high"? That is an understatement. :rolleyes: I have never personally done it, but have first handidly seen someone attempt to take care of someone (me) with EDs.. It really can not be done. ..and the person with the ED(s) can only do so much to "help" as the ED(s) run their life. Make their decisions for them. Do everything.




If I only had two choices in life. Be a FAT ASS, but be allowed to feel/maintain love OR be ideally thin/lean forever, but never be able to experience love..

I think I would probably pick the second one. I just could NOT be fat.. It really sucks, but as hard as it is to say.. I think it really is how I honestly feel. :( :rolleyes:

[bones]

Yeah, seriously.


It's pretty high maintaince to take care of someone
with an eating disorder.

All the screaming and the crying
...and then sometimes i cry too.:rolleyes:

Which ultimately makes it worse
making me think I deserve nothing.
Like I am ruining his life.

I fantasize about being in a hospital bed, dying, him crying and me still refusing to eat.
I don't know why.
Part of me wants to die like that.
But at the same time, I feel like that would just ruin his life and ruin him and then I really couldn't have that beautiful life with him.

He doesn't know.
And there have been my days where I almost told him about Ana out of pure frustration because I had to eat or something, or I felt fat or whatever.
And sometimes I just want to tell him because I feel like Ana is such a big side of me. It's weird to keep a secret that big from him.

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

I fantasize about being in a hospital bed, dying, him crying and me still refusing to eat.
I don't know why.
Part of me wants to die like that.
But at the same time, I feel like that would just ruin his life and ruin him and then I really couldn't have that beautiful life with him.

He doesn't know.
And there have been my days where I almost told him about Ana out of pure frustration because I had to eat or something, or I felt fat or whatever.
And sometimes I just want to tell him because I feel like Ana is such a big side of me. It's weird to keep a secret that big from him.


That is exactly what I fantasize.
Nice to know i'm not the only one.

My boyfriend does know, it helps a lot that he knows.
Now it's less likely for him to trigger me.

[bones]

That is exactly what I fantasize.
Nice to know i'm not the only one.

My boyfriend does know, it helps a lot that he knows.
Now it's less likely for him to trigger me.

I think mine would try to force feed me if he found out.
Sometimes he already says that I look too skinny.

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

My ex force fed me..

hence why he is my ex.

[Tyler3295]

My ex force fed me..

hence why he is my ex.

Why do people not realize that that is one of the WORST possible things you can do to someone who has an ED? :confused: :rolleyes: :mad:

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Why do people not realize that that is one of the WORST possible things you can do to someone who has an ED? :confused: :rolleyes: :mad:

I know...

It legit felt like being raped.
He shoved it down my mouth. and I was trying to get away,
and he held me down. horrible..horrible

[Tyler3295]

I know...

It legit felt like being raped.
He shoved it down my mouth. and I was trying to get away,
and he held me down. horrible..horrible

Wow.. Intense metaphor..

[averageguy]

Question: If you could only keep one, would you keep your partner, or keep Ana?

[LightHeartedLightHeaded]

Question: If you could only keep one, would you keep your partner, or keep Ana?

In this point in time.

I've tried and tried, but neither of them will leave.