PRR (Parents, Rants and Reversion)

[Heba86]

Does anyone else have parents that are so enmeshed in their lives that they literally feel like they are going to die sometimes. When I started out, I was ana, but that only lasted 2 weeks until I stumbled upon mia. But the more and more my parents smother me, the more ana tendencies I pick up and mia tendencies I leave behind. I realize my parents are going through a hard time right now, but my mother just can't accept that I'm 22 and she has to let go sometimes, just a little bit. I feel like they take so much of their anger out on me and I am aware that possibly my tone of voice and my sudden "it's my life stay out of it" attitude is probably a shock to them. But really, enough is enough. ED or no ED I'm a big girl and I'm living at home, bc I am trying to get on my feet, but it's not as easy as I'd like it to be. The more short tempered they are w/me the more I feel the way I did when this all started. So confined and judged constantly. I'm not saying I want my parents out of my life, but for once I would like to wake up in the morning and hear "good morning" as opposed to "this is wrong and that is wrong and I'm having this problem and this hurts." We all complain about our problems, but can I at least get a "good morning?"

I get so much of my self esteem issues as a result of the criticism I was raised with. I got made fun of a lot as a kid and when I went home all I heard was how I'm not good at this and i shouldn't have done that. My parents still drudge up memories of mistakes I made when i was 7 and try and make me feel guilty for it. They say they aren't trying to make me feel guilty, but how else am I supposed to take "I can't believe you did that. You embarrassed everyone. I thought I raised you better than that" etc. And my mother has a horrible self-image of herself and was very vocal in projecting it. Most of my family is obese- my aunts, uncles, cousins, and so on. And the second I put on a pound they all get on my case w/ sneaky back handed comments, as if I hadn't noticed I gained weight. I know they do that because they don't want me to be like them, but I am the first person to notice even an ounce of weight gained and I just don't need their commentary

Sometimes, I just don't even know what the point is anymore. I don't know why I try. And even when I spend all day in my room, those few moments I leave my room for a cup of water, all I hear is bad news and insults. The other day I was having chest pains (in my heart area) for over an hour. And the pain just jet through my entire upper torso. I literally was afraid I was having a heart attack of some sort, eventually it faded, but that was the scariest pain I have been through. I have had a ton of stomach issues due to physical and emotional stress, but nothing like this before. I never cut, but I have never been more tempted to do so. I don't even know what the point of this post was. Can anyone relate? I just wish I didn't feel so alone and disgusting right now.

Sorry for the long downer.

[saryndipitous]

Sorry you're having a tough time with your parents. I'm 21 and I live at home too, I'm also trying to get on my feet. It's hard being ana and dealing with my mom. She's on my case when I don't eat as much, so I'm jealous of all the girls on here who are able to get away with fasting. She says she doesn't want to monitor me, and I tell her that I don't want her to either, but I don't know if she's going to stop. I know what you mean about criticism contributing to your issues; that's one of the things I've discovered through therapy.

Try not to start cutting or doing other SI.. it's sooo hard to stop once you start. Personally, I think it's better to just not eat than to cut, but I know it's not the same kind of sensation. One tip to stop SI is to snap a rubber band against your wrist, so maybe it works as a preventative measure too? You get pain (esp if you do it a lot) and maybe a bruise, but there's no scarring and less risk of permanent damage.

I definitely find it triggering when I fight with my mom, so I think it makes a lot of sense that having your parents be short-tempered with you brings up ana/mia issues. This morning we were fighting, and I really wanted to cut (but I didn't, thank god. I still haven't since this summer.), and I totally lost my appetite so I barely ate.

You're not alone. I hope things start looking up for you :)

[Professorana]

I'm sorry this is a rough time for you. It's never easy to live with one's parents and certainly not at your age. I'm 28 and live away from them which makes my eating/not eating decisions fairly simple and I'm lucky. I do have a mother who makes nasty backhanded comments whenever I gain at all (she's obese) and she also makes nasty comments when she thinks I'm getting to skinny. The only good thing about our relationship is that I don't think she honestly gives a fuck. She'll make rude comments about anything just to try to get a rise out of me. She'll do just as your mom does---oh, you're still as.....as you were when you are a 10 year old. At this point I have no trouble telling her to fuck herself--which helps.

I was driven so close to SI not very long ago--so I know how tempted you are. But I found that ana was much more comforting and produced a sense of power and control rather than a bloody mess. Ana makes sense--mia is just a loss of control and it's better to try to pull yourself out of those habits before they take hold too much.

I'm really sorry things are rough right now, but they will get better. You're old enough to make your own choices.
Hugs:)

[Sigh]

I know my parents are ALWAYS on my case about eating. After freaking out about ana last summer and threatening to put me in rehab or something, I put on weight to make them happy. then they decided it was all a 'stage' and figured I had grown out of it. I'm kinda sick of all the crap my mom gives me about eating. She's constantly making some kind of brownie, cake, or just sitting around with a bowl of ice cream, it's disgusting, and she can't seem to understand why I don't want to make myself obese (like her.) The worst part of it is seeing my younger sibs getting fat too. My parents let them have huge ice cream sundaes and candy anytime they want and don't ever make them exercise. I hate to see my sisters going through what I did, becoming an obese child, getting ridiculed in school, trying to take off the weight when you're finally old enough to pay for a gym membership, I don't want them to be ana, it's not fun and i want to see them have happy childhoods not getting made fun of and constantly trying to lose weight. I feel like my mom has let us all down, she's made me what I am today.