Cupcake's Journal 2009

[cupcake]

Welcome to my journal.

[cupcake]

My stats for January

Weight: 8Stones 2lbs - 114lbs
Bust: 34 inches
Under Bust: 30 inches
Waist: 26 inches
Belly Button: 30 inches
Thighs: 21 inches
Hips: 35 inches
Arm: 9 inches

[cupcake]

GW1: 7stones 10lbs - 108lbs - Goal reached on 05/01/09:D
GW2: 7stones 7lbs - 105lbs
GW3: 7stones 4lbs - 102lbs
GW4: 7stones - 98lbs
GW5: 6stones 10lbs - 94lbs
GW6: 6stones 7lbs - 88lbs
GW7: 6stones 4lbs - 88 lbs
UGW: 6stones - 84lbs

[cupcake]

My diet is going to be a restriction and fasting.
As I go to the gym everyday I find fasting too hard to do.

On my restriction days I am allowing no more than 400 calories a day.
On my fasting days I am allowing only liquids.

At the moment I am going to the gym for 1 hour a day, I want to build that up to 2 hours a day.

[cupcake]

Weight: 8stones 2lbs - 114lbs

2009 is the year I perfect my Ana lifestyle.
I would have loved to start the year of with a fast, but I can't start my fast until the 5th January, that's when Hubby goes back to work.
I went to the gym today, my first day back in the gym since end of November!
I wanted to die during my gym session. I found it so hard at the gym today.
I managed to do an hour at the gym today.

Food
Breakfast: Nothing 0cals
Lunch: Protein drink 100cals
Dinner: Pasta bake 500cals

Exercise
Cardio: 20mins 200cals
Toning: 40mins 100cals

Calories consumed: 600cals
Calories burnt: 300cals

[cupcake]

I don't know why my Hubby is nasty to me.....
I have Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia both uncurable illnesses and still waiting to get them under control.
I think most people know what Endometriosis is so I won't explain and the best way to explain Fibromyalgia is it is like ME but painful.
My Hubby won't help me around the house.
He refuses to read up on my illnesses and to find out as much as possible about it and how he can make my life easier - He is determined to make life difficult for me!
Yet he tells everyone that he is my carer, and he does nothing to care for me.....
For example:
He will never make me a cup of coffee
He never cooks for me when I am real bad
He has gone off for the day and left me no money for food
Even after an operation he expects me to cook, wash and do the housework, even when my stitches have busted and I have had to get them re done.

He refuses to try to understand my illnesses.
He constantly tells me that I am using my illnesses as an excuse.
Today he told me that he would be better off without me ( this is not the first time he has said this either)
He actually admitted to me that he can not handle me and my illnesses (After a long time of blaming financial problems and unemployment for the way he is)
He says that he feels like packing his bags and leaving to start fresh else where without me. He said that he can do better than me!
He has been unemployed for the last 2 years and has finally got himself a good job Which he started in November.
I don't know maybe he has met someone else.

Why don't I leave?
Well I have no family.
I lost contact with all my friends when I first met my Hubby 7 years ago.
So I have noone to turn to and I have no money to be able to survive.
I can not work as I am signed off as unfit for work.
I don't know what to do!

[cupcake]

Weight: 8stones - 112lbs

2lbs weight loss!:D

I woke up feeling so tired today!
I ache so much from my exercises yesterday.
I am very happy with my weight loss of 2lbs.
I am shocked that I lost any weight considering that I ate yesterday.
I am nearly at my first GW!

Food
Breakfast: 7 Strawberries 50cals
Lunch: Low fat yoghurt 85cals
Dinner: Nothing

Exercise
Cardio: 30mins 250cals
Toning: 30mins 100cals

Calories consumed: 135cals
Calories burnt: 350cals

I wan't in the mood for exercising today, but I managed to do my hours worth of exercising
I also managed to get out of eating dinner today!

[pinkprincessbelle]

Sweety that is awful! No-one deserves to be treated like this! I know it is easy to say than do but it sounds like you would be better off without him! I'm thinking of you! PM me if u want or MSN

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[pinkprincessbelle]

Congrats on the weight loss though!:)

[cupcake]

Weight: 7stones 12lbs - 110lbs

2lbs weight loss:D
I reached my first GW today I am so happy!

Food
Breakfast: Yoghurt 85cals
Lunch: Soya milk and nuts 100cals
Dinner: Yoghurt 85cals
Apple 85cals

Exercise
Cardio: 5mins 50cals
Toning: 55mins 150cals

Calories consumed: 355cals
Calories burnt: 200cals

I'm certainly not enjoying exercising at the moment. I've just not got any energy and feel completly drained.
I know with problems at home are not heping much either.
Hopfully it will be a better day for me tomorrow.

[cupcake]

Belle,

Thank you!

Cupcake x

[cupcake]

Weight: 7stones 10lbs - 108lbs

2lbs weight loss
I reached my first GW today not on Sunday! I have tried to edit it but for some reason will not allow me to edit Sunday's post!

I never asked for my illnesses.....
I'm tired of being alone all the time.....
I'm tired of never getting any support and understanding.....

Food
Breakfast: Nothing 0cals
Lunch: Yoghurt 90cals
Dinner:

Exercise
Cardio: Walking 20mins 20cals
Toning:

[Professorana]

Cupcake, I have a special heart for you as I'm married too and I really feel bad for what you're going through. Ana really helps which is why I cling to her even at 28--married with a carreer and a child. Maybe it's juvinile by I can always come back to self starving or restricting and I feel better, no matter what is going on around me. I almost devorced my husband about 4mos ago so I really know what you're going through. I know you said you don't really have anybody to go to but being on your own would be so much better than putting up with the abuse. Is there really nobody?

Take care sweetie, and talk to me whenever you like. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 1 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[pinkprincessbelle]

Belle,

Thank you!

Cupcake x

No worries sweety!:)

[cupcake]

Sorry I have not updated my journal.....
I had no internet for the week.....
I will update my journal when I get the chance.

[cupcake]

Hi Professorana,


Thank you for your kind words!
I'm planning on leaving my hubby.
No I have nobody to turn to.
I left home at 17 and have never gone back.
When I met my hubby I was living in London and I moved from London to Kent, and when I wanted to see my friends there were never any money for the travel to get back to London to see them and they never come to see me.
Then once I was diagnosed with my illnesses and I told them they just stopped contacting me altogether.
For some reason I have not made any friends here in Kent as where we live I am isolated and you need a car to get everywhere and I do not have a car nor do I know how to drive.
So when Hubby goes to work I am on my own the whole day with just my 3 cats. I speak to no one all day.
I don't class my Hubbies friends as mine, to be honest I don't think that my Hubbies friends like me much, I know also that they keep advising him to get out of the marriage because of my illnesses.


The only people I have to turn to are you guys on this forum!

C x

[Professorana]

Cupcake, that's horrible. You don't deserve to live a life like that. Just being isolated all day with nobody to talk to and nowhere to go is enough to drive you batty--never mind the crap you are putting up with from your husband.

i had a bit of the same situation--I met my husband at 21 and moved away from friends and family. It was really hard, nor did I know how to drive at that point. But I made myself do it--got myself into a local driving school as well as college. This way I started making friends. I took any old rubish job to get out of the house and things were much better for it.

It sounds like you have absolutly no one to turn to and that makes me really sad.I'm so sorry you have such a difficult situation. I wish I could do something for you.
I'm thinking of you:)