Confidence to be me

[Dakota]

How do I get the confidence to change my whole image, persona, demeanor, everything about me since I am not me.

I want to bleach my hair blonde, but I am afraid that my family might think of it badly. I want to dress more provocative, but still family. Everything that is bothering me to be who I want to be is family.

Its like I have to have permission to be who I want to be.

How do I become myself? Me? Whatever that is. Like just wake up, and be who I should be.

[rosie]

aw I feel dead bad for you.
Im still a bit like this.. but the whole dying your hair, changing clothes is very healthy and natural for everyone because your trying out things trying to find yourself so your family shouldnt really judge you for this.
Ive had my hair every colour seriously, pink, blue, white, black.
gothy clothes, emo clothes, normal clothes, classy clothes, slutty clothes.
Keeping a journal helped me because it was like I was studying myself, analysing every thought and action.
youll get there eventually, x

[Dakota]

I know it's horrible at my home, it's like they control my look. It's like they want me to be a nun or something here.

It's the same with my sister, she painted her nails black and my mother was like, "No you don't paint your nail blacks remove it!". My grandma was like, "you look like a whore". And she's 12, and she's far from that. And I was like, "I'll take you to a professional if you want to look better". But I have to fix myself from them, before I can fix others.

It's disgusting, it's like I am trap here. I am a virgin too, and never been kiss. But I manage a job, and do well in school, so I am okay in everything else. My mother doesn't trust me so last year she went to see what websites I was on (I wasn't very much pro-ana last year). But still got on my case. I can't even leave the house without telling them everything I am doing.

I never had a different look, it's always been the plain Jane look. Simple and clean.

I been wanting to be blonde forever now, but I am just afraid, like they would look disgusted or something.

I never lived like a teenager.... It's like I went from child to adulthood, with nothing in between. I'm late 17 years old now, so that's what makes it all even more depressing. And I can't leave until High school is over.

And they order me to go out to eat with them next week, I told them no, and they were like yes you are yes you are. It's like that with family events, and I tell them no. It's even like that with the clubs I go to high school, everything my life is control.

So I been telling them that on March 21st, my life will be change forever; I'm bleaching my hair that day. Well I didn't tell them about the bleaching part, just my life will change.

Maybe this is how Britney Spears felt like before she went crazy??? Like her whole life was control.

[Noumi]

All you have to do is make the decision. You just do it and period. It doesn't matter what your family says that day, you just wake up and do whatever you want to do, they will get used to the new you, and they will eventually stop caring, so you go ahead and be yourself .
=)

[Roses]

that's really awful :( i'd say just be urself but if it causes that much trouble then do u really need that?? but it is about u, u shouldn't have to feel like u can't be who u want 2 be..

[stargAzerkitty]

I would say just break free and do it , however I understand where you're coming from.

My family was exactly that way,
I just broke free of it and well that was a rocky four years,
I guess it just depends on how your family is
and how old you are.

Maybe just try doing things in small steps?

-hugs-
I wish you the best tho
hopefully you can become who you are inside on the outside