reclaimingkatie
01-22-2010, 01:47 AM
Even tho i'm a woman....i still think this is funny
When girls don't put
out!!
This was written by a
guy...it's pretty damn smart...
Girls -- Please have
a sense of humor!
I never quite figured
out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have
figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men
think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR
EXAMPLE:
One evening last week,
my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold
me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What
was that?!'
So she says the words
that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in
touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical
needs as a man.'
She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do
for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing
was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I
opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice
lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked
around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let’s get a pair for each
outfit.'
We went on to the
jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a
shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her
for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she
finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the
cashier.'
I could hardly contain
myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went
completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I
just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a
woman.'
And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e
for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not
having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than
her.
IF YOU LIKED THAT ONE:
Why females should avoid a "Girls NightOut" after they are married.
[If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.]
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m.., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, inorder to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'. He didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'Oh,sh#t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
When girls don't put
out!!
This was written by a
guy...it's pretty damn smart...
Girls -- Please have
a sense of humor!
I never quite figured
out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have
figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men
think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR
EXAMPLE:
One evening last week,
my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to
heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold
me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What
was that?!'
So she says the words
that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in
touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical
needs as a man.'
She responded to my
puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do
for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing
was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I
opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice
lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked
around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfit s.
She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She
wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Let’s get a pair for each
outfit.'
We went on to the
jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell
you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a
shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis
I think I threw her
for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual
satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she
finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the
cashier.'
I could hardly contain
myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went
completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I
just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my
financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a
woman.'
And just when she had
this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love m e
for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not
having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than
her.
IF YOU LIKED THAT ONE:
Why females should avoid a "Girls NightOut" after they are married.
[If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.]
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m.., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, inorder to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed. 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos =MIDNIGHT!)
The next morning, my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'. He didn't seem pissed off in the least.
Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."
When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'Oh,sh#t.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."