Argh.

[squirt]

Okay so I don't know why i'm posting this :/
I just need to rant I guess.
From the start, I went out with this person, we'll call him K over a year ago, yeah.. over a year ago :/ then he moved in with his Dad, who lives in Cornwall;which is about 6 hours from me, his Mum was always working away with work etc, but anyway..
his Mum has a permanent job which is back where I live; (she's already moved back) So he's moving back in the next couple of days.
Anyway, we're really close, like he's my best friend.
But I duno, if he was to ask me out sort of thing, I wouldn't hesitate to say no, thers something about him, he was my first 'proper' bf I guess..
He's been hinting about 'getting back together' the past few months.
I guess I've nearly taken it mega seriously because he lives so far away.
Then he said he was coming back..
..I'm so excited!
Then he suggested meeting up.
FIRST thing I think.
SHIT he's actually going to see me
and how disgustingly fat i've become since he last saw me, as in, he's going to wish he never saw me again.
He wants to go for something to eat as well, I mean of all things.
It's making me scared having to think about it.
Then I thought okay i'll just make an excuse, try and put it off til next week at least, but he had already asked what I was doing at the weekend and I'd replied saying nothing planned, so it's not like I could make an excuse I had to work or something-and I hate lying like that.
I don't want him to know anything about my ed.
I just can't face it.
At the same time I really do just want to see him.
I'm so upset/angry, I never even realised until now about the friends i've lost, especially these past few months when I won't go out because I fear peole will stare and comment on my weight.
It's made me realise.
At the same time I just want to bury my head in the sand and not think about it.
I mean, this is in 3days.
I'm gna have to see hime sometime, it's gna be impossible to avoid sooner or later.
Argh I don't know.
This is all crappp, sorry if you've just read all that and thought 'what a waste of time.' :/

[mustbethin61394]

Love its not a "waste of time" U needed to vent so im proud of you for that. Sometimes thats the best we can do to think about it. I have the same problem just not in the time span you have.

The love of my life D is getting ready to turn 18 and hes going to move out of his group home. I haven't seen him in a year. Apparently i look smaller but i weigh about the same and i want to look stunning when he sees me. I can't just pertend that i don't care how he looks at me. I want him to love me. He also doesn't know about the ed. He knows all about the cutting but nothing abt the ed cuz when we dated before he got sent to the group home we didn't get to spend alot of time together because i was in and out of treatment.

I think you shouldn't bail on this guy. If he really cares about you he will understand. Also if you aren't comfortable with eating suggest going to a movie instead say you would like to have a little more privacy and hate crowded resturants. Say something and if he doesn't buy it eat something u are comfortable with.

Ill be here to support you hun. You can do it. I promise. We can do it together if you like.

[squirt]

Thanks for taking the time to reply :)
That makes sense, half of me just really wants to go for it, yet the other half is just holding me back.
It's going to take me ages to get myself ready for it, both in deciding on what to wear that looks half decent, and accepting the fact that I am actually going see him.
I guess I just don't want him to remember what I used to look like, and compare it to how I am now.
But I think I need to go, otherwise I'll regret it.
If it turns out badly; hopefully it won't, but then I'll know..
Hope everything is alright with your guy and things, let me know how it is,
Thanks again for replying :) x