fwyzing
01-09-2010, 01:05 AM
I'm a size __.
I weigh __.
It all seems to make sense...
But why, when I look down, do I see hideous overwhelming fat?
There's so much of it.
So much to jiggle and pinch.
SO MUCH. Like inches and inches of it.
Poke, prod, slap, punch, cut it there's so much.
What do I do with all this?
I've tried everything.
11 years.
11.
I've had an eating disorder.
It started with "Mommy... I'm fat" (she said it. she was bulimic. monkey see: monkey develop same problems and struggle forever)
-skipping lunch
-hiding food
-eating expired/hidden food
-getting fatter
-skipping meals again
-over exercising. (started with skateboarding... ALL DAY during one summer)
Most recently, I've been anorexia athletica/bulimia/over/compulsive exercising (ask the psychiatrists I've had. They all know which ones were when) anorexia, bulimia, and even BINGE EATING for almost 7 months... followed by bulimia. followed by anorexic tendencies these past 6 months.
I'm NOT thin.
I'm not.
I'm "just fine"
I "look good"
I'm at a "healthy weight"
... why do I keep wanting more??
Why can't I stop??
Uber long post :( I apologize...
I weigh __.
It all seems to make sense...
But why, when I look down, do I see hideous overwhelming fat?
There's so much of it.
So much to jiggle and pinch.
SO MUCH. Like inches and inches of it.
Poke, prod, slap, punch, cut it there's so much.
What do I do with all this?
I've tried everything.
11 years.
11.
I've had an eating disorder.
It started with "Mommy... I'm fat" (she said it. she was bulimic. monkey see: monkey develop same problems and struggle forever)
-skipping lunch
-hiding food
-eating expired/hidden food
-getting fatter
-skipping meals again
-over exercising. (started with skateboarding... ALL DAY during one summer)
Most recently, I've been anorexia athletica/bulimia/over/compulsive exercising (ask the psychiatrists I've had. They all know which ones were when) anorexia, bulimia, and even BINGE EATING for almost 7 months... followed by bulimia. followed by anorexic tendencies these past 6 months.
I'm NOT thin.
I'm not.
I'm "just fine"
I "look good"
I'm at a "healthy weight"
... why do I keep wanting more??
Why can't I stop??
Uber long post :( I apologize...