Re: Ject Shun

[Jacklinger]

So I went on 2 different dates over the past 2 weeks or so and just got a rejection email from one of the girls, and the other isn't answering my email, and I don't want to spam her, so I'm assuming she's not interested either.

One of my worst fears, if maybe my only real fear, is having to be alone for the rest of my life. I've only had 1 girlfriend in my life, and she only dated me because she found me amusing and absurd, (and cute - was thin at the time), and that I had money. But I'm glad she did. It really is better to be with someone than to be alone, even if they're not always kind. At least I think so.

My personality makes me so boring I have no chance of ever getting a good first impression and others always judge you completely by those. It is a product of a painful childhood and cruel adolescence. I must face that my worst fear is very likely to happen. Who is to blame? There is no one. I don't even remember most of my childhood because I've blocked it out. The faces of those who harmed me are all blank in my mind.

I can starve to rid myself of fat, but there is no diet that get's rid of pain is there? I think I'm going to put any further dating on hold until I reach my goal weight. Hopefully I'll be easier to look at then and can stop wasting my money on these dating sights.

[AnneAndAna]

As cliche as it sounds, find someone who loves you for who you are. So what if you've only had 1 girlfriend who apparently didnt REALLY love you for who you are? Look at the bright side of it - you got experience. I had a very complicated thing going on with my ex which ended up very, very bad... But I got experience out of it and that's what life is all about.
I don't recommend these dating sites because I'm a firm believer of destiny :) But hey it's up to you! I believe the right one will come by itself.
"and others always judge you completely by those" that's not true. Most people on this website actually don't seem to do so and I definitely do NOT do that. There are still people who give each other a chance and learn to get to know each other first before judging, and I'm proud to say I'm one of them.
I've been reading a lot of your posts, and I can tell you you're not boring. Obviously I've never spoken to you in real life, or about anything else but ED related stuff, but no, you're not boring - I'm positive on this. Girls love a guy who can make them laugh, so make sure you try and show off your sense of humour when trying to make a good first impression, but girls also like men who are sensitive (but not over sensitive, watch out, you dont wanna seem like you're the girl on a first impression!) so try and show both your sides! You sound like a very sweet guy, who definitely needs to be a bit more positive... And that's why we're here!
Remember that the horrible things that have happened to you throughout your life have made you extremely critical of yourself. You think every first impression is bad, but it's not, because other people perceive you differently, and most likely less harshly than your own perception :)

Don't forget: Stay positive!
xxx

[Jacklinger]

Thanks, Anne.

I think I will stay positive, coz I just checked the cupboard and I'm all out of negative. I had a lifetime supply of it too, all gone. Everything you say is true, Anne. But how to get it off the post and into real life application, still evades me.

[Static]

I think I've resigned myself to the fact that the only person who can actually deal with me for very long is my brother, & that sort of sucks for relationships. Can't starve out the crazy, either.
Most of the time, though, I'm actually ok about that. I had stuff when I was younger, & one of them, at least (the one that was long-term & amazing & actually had meaning) was enough, even if it ended pretty much the worst way it possibly could've.
Sometimes I am bitter about the fact that being a fuckup freak (with a list of diagnoses way longer than is reasonable) is going to drive off pretty much everyone.
So I just try not to need them.

... Man. I am totally not helping.

It'll balance out, though, dude. Stuff always balances out somehow. & sometimes these things happen when you're not looking, I've found.

[Vision Thing]

So I went on 2 different dates over the past 2 weeks or so and just got a rejection email from one of the girls, and the other isn't answering my email, and I don't want to spam her, so I'm assuming she's not interested either.

Ahhhhhh I assume you are e-dating but ahhh that just sounds like a business thing, to email someone a rejection letter. I laughed at the title of this thread though.


One of my worst fears, if maybe my only real fear, is having to be alone for the rest of my life. I've only had 1 girlfriend in my life, and she only dated me because she found me amusing and absurd, (and cute - was thin at the time), and that I had money. But I'm glad she did. It really is better to be with someone than to be alone, even if they're not always kind. At least I think so.

I know you're older than a lot of people here, but you are still fairly young so I don't see the rush with finding someone. You are trying to find self worth again within your weight loss so you may want to think about how that would burden another who came into a relationship with you. I'm not trying to be the eternal downer, just trying to think on both sides of the equation. And don't try to justify that you girlfriend was worth it because you're feeling down about love now. If someone loves you for things external to yourself then its not genuine.


My personality makes me so boring I have no chance of ever getting a good first impression and others always judge you completely by those. It is a product of a painful childhood and cruel adolescence. I must face that my worst fear is very likely to happen. Who is to blame? There is no one. I don't even remember most of my childhood because I've blocked it out. The faces of those who harmed me are all blank in my mind.


Come on, I've seen a lot of people laugh along with you on the forumns, you cannot seriously call yourself boring. I don't think it's fair to day that absolutely everyone is judgemental, but then again, we form judgements as an innate part of survival. You are not the only individual who has suffered a poor upbringing, and won't be the last. But you are clearly intelligent enough to recognise this, your problem is blocking it out. Memories are important things to have, whether they be good or bad. They make us who we are. I know I'm doing the cliche thing, but you are an inherently good person, and as soon as you realise that you'll be able to look at yourself with out seeing negatives.



I can starve to rid myself of fat, but there is no diet that get's rid of pain is there? I think I'm going to put any further dating on hold until I reach my goal weight. Hopefully I'll be easier to look at then and can stop wasting my money on these dating sights.


Don't base everything on all women being shallow enough to take you seriously simple due to appearance. If your not comfortable with yourself then you're not going to be comfortable with sharing yourself with another. Perhaps its not a romantic relationship you need right now, but the company of a true friend? There's something about a good friendship that seems to run a lot deeper and more thorough than a lover.


p.s. by dating sights I assume you mean dating sites - don't waste money on them. surely you come into contact with women through work, family, frienship groups, leisure activities?

[Vision Thing]

I think I've resigned myself to the fact that the only person who can actually deal with me for very long is my brother, & that sort of sucks for relationships. Can't starve out the crazy, either.
Most of the time, though, I'm actually ok about that. I had stuff when I was younger, & one of them, at least (the one that was long-term & amazing & actually had meaning) was enough, even if it ended pretty much the worst way it possibly could've.
Sometimes I am bitter about the fact that being a fuckup freak (with a list of diagnoses way longer than is reasonable) is going to drive off pretty much everyone.
So I just try not to need them.

... Man. I am totally not helping.

It'll balance out, though, dude. Stuff always balances out somehow. & sometimes these things happen when you're not looking, I've found.


You take care of yourself too. Yes I know this is just the internet and all but I'm trying to be sincere through reading the other things you've said and how awful it is for you. Life will fall into the places that it does, but it would be a loss if you gave up on relationships through your poor experiences. Consider that you've only lived about a fifth of your life, so there may well be something hopeful in the future. There may equally be nothing for you, but even so, being alone does not necessarily mean that you are lonely.