Tell me something

[Under120]

Ok...so what is everyones story? Why are you all here....I'll start I guess. MY names Mel, I'm 22, 23 on OCTOBER 14th! woohoo! I've struggled with weight issues since I was 14. Ive gone to all sorts of measures to lose weight. Starving myself, purging, even using Ipecec to make myself throw up. I've gotten super thin, at one point my BMI was 16. But I have never been able to maintain my low weight. The last time I gained the weight back, I had to. I was pregnant, and I knew that I needed to make sure my baby was healthy. So now, my little girl is 6 months old, and I'm back to my old habits. I want to get my weight back to below 120. That's my goal to start off...I eventually want to be at 110. I'm about 5'9" so I think thats a good goal.

So I want to know about all of you...what brings you all here? Don't be shy. These sites are wonderful places to find friends and support. But the site needs our support to keep it going. So tell us about yourself!:D

[muffin]

Well.. I could answer here to indtroduce myself then I guess..

First of all; hi! I came to the old forum, but it seemed to be rather dead. Hopefully it will get back on its feet.

Anyways; I'm Mari. I'm 17 years old (18 in december, woho!) and live in Norway. I've been self-injuring for about 5 years, self-harming as long as I can remember. From I was 13 to 16,5 I suffered from anorexia, but now again I catch myself in skipping meals more and more often. And I don't even know if I want to change theese bad habits or not. It makes me feel good, yet so ashamed. I haven SI'ed since July this year, and hope I've managed to quit. Still, I will allways look at myself as a Self-Harmer. Not in the meaning that a self-harmer is WHO I am, but it's a disease I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. It's like any other addiction, like alcoholism, it's a disease. (Well, thats MY opinoin anyway. ) I'm diagnosed with major depression and have tried AD's, but they made me ill. I still have my up's and down's, but I'm starting to get better :)

Why I'm here? Maybe to show people that it IS possible. Things can and will change.

[lpzoey]

my name is zoey---kinda old to this site ----i havent been on in a while and everythings changed--i am 31 - will be 32 in dec. i have had eating disorders for 20 years---about 6 months ago i was a size 16----now a size 6!!!!!!! yepeeee for me --lol!!!!!!!not done though---want to be a 2 or 4 !?!? ---where everyone at??????????????????

[Under120]

a 16 to a 6!?! thats awesome! how did you do it?

[blue*eyes]

I just turned 34. OUCH!!! Anyway, I've had an eating disorder for about 2 years now. I have 7 kids. 3 of my own and 4 of my husbands. I was married for 14 years to the most controlling man alive. I finally got out and am now very happy with my current husband of 4 months. I love to binge! Hate to purge, but it has to be done. I'm on a yo yo of around 118 to 120. I want to be around 113. Doesn't seem to happen though. No matter what I do, or how long I go without eating. It's really hard to binge with that many kids and a husband who is very concerned with my disorder. I don't want to stop though. I can't imagine being heavy again. I was up to about 200 3 years ago. It even makes me sick when I step on the scale and it says 121!!! I just started taking laxatives again. Don't know if they really work though.

[Nattie]

Well I used to post a lot on this site last year but it seems my account was deleted. Anyway, my name is Natalie and I am 24 years old...25 next month. I have been struggling with weight issues since I was 14 or 15. I hate that I am not one of those girls who can eat whatever they want and not gain an ounce. I have started back at the gym to slim down some more. I currently weigh 110 and I want to be 105ish. I am getting married May 5, 2007 and my wedding dress is a size 2 and I am sooo afraid that it won't fit. I am frustrated because everyone always says "you're so thin you don't have to lost weight" but they don't know what it's like to struggle with weight issues, to think you're never thin enough. So that's why I am here....

[blue*eyes]

I know what you mean. I just got married 5 months ago and my dress was a 2 also. I have my wedding pictures on my desk at work for added encouragement. It scares me that I won't be that thin ever again. I was 110 the day I got married and now I'm struggling to stay at 118. It really sucks!!!!

[Lady JJ]

Hello I am new.

[Invisable_Fat_n_Lonely]

Heyy guyz, i just truned 17y/o:D . Itz good to be back here i know about this place for like 3 years now i had n account here but then i moved n forgot my name n password now im back cuz i love WE itz the best :D . It all began when i was 6 years old i started making myslef sick vey morining befor school, it was right after my parents divorced, i didnt like that it took for ever to come back up so i just hardly eat now, so i dont get the feeling to throw it up or feel gulity. I dont know were i learned it from at 6y/o but it changed my life forever. I truly dont think i have a problem though cuz im not skinny at all, i just have more self control than people i know. i just dont want to be a 200 pound girl no one looks at n just takes up extra space in a room:( .
sorry :o but i feel like this is my diary sometimes.

[blue*eyes]

Ok, I am not looking forward to the Holidays at all!! I've been so proud of my self cause I haven't b/p in about 2 weeks:p I don't like living like that. But I've become more ana than anything. It's such a struggle right now. Today is a carry in here at work. And of course you can smell the food through out the whole office. I have got to be strong!!! All I can do is picture myself getting fatter and fatter by just the smell. It seems to be working so far but it's only 8:30 in the morning! I've got 7.5 more hours to go:eek: And of course we've got my in-laws dinner on Thursday and my parents on Saturday. That is going to be more hard than anything else cause everyone is watching me like a hawk! Any suggestions?????????:(

[imhere82]

Well, my story..

I'm a newly turned 24 yr old single mom. I've always been heavy..first it just started out being really muscular when i was a little girl. I played sports and people thought i was a boy b/c of my build. Then, i had my tonsils removed when i was 9 and from then on i just became fat. I was teased, but luckily enough people were afraid of me and never came out and harrassed me. So, anyways...i was fat and tried to forget all of that basically by giving "attention" to any guy who would look my way. it sounds wierd huh? i knew i was big, had a pretty face, but at the same time tried to convince myself i wasn't so bad if boys were looking my way? Has anyone else ever done that? So, then i was living with being fat, being a hooch, and my life sucked. So...yada yada yada, ended up getting pregnant having post partum depression and then one day... i was watching a talk show w/ girls on there who were bulimic. Out of the clear blue i was like...hhmmm i know that can kill you but i dont want to be alone forever so, i took a little trip then and there to the toilet and puked. it was wierd and gross but kinda cool. I became addicted and was losing weight and didn't even realize it. I was out of my mind, sneaking in and out of the house to puke. i almost broke our toilets, we had to have them pumped by a toilet business i guess because of me, and my parents still don't know. So i finally realized i was losing weight b/c in 30 days...literally i lost 30 pounds. God i wish i could do that again. IN all i lost 60 pounds. I would stuff myself, throw up....right after puking go back again, eat then throw up. I would have to do that until i was sick of throwing up, then i'd be done for the day. so then i quit eating just for awhile. I also had started walking 4 to 5 miles aday and that helped alot. that was 3 yrs ago and now i am the same weight that i stopped b/ping on. i'm not as tight and defined as i was and now just loose fat...yuck!! sorry..so i need something that's gonna make me not want to eat..as much. i've tried everything on the market...seriously....i just could eat all day long i never get full. So i need something thats gonna make me feel full!! i havent thrown up in a long time...like months, b/c i'm doing colon cleanses and dont want to throw up the pills...and i am exercising again but i'm just soo fat..5'1 175lbs. yes i do have a muscular build still but muscles underneath and the gross fat is on top. So im not 100 lbs and still trying to loose like a lot of people with EDs. I want to do it the right way so if i gain it back it wont be covered in jiggley fat!! A pill could give me the I'm full signal and with exercise i could loose the last 30 lbs..somebody give me some advice please? anybody heard of phentermine? let me know, i've taken an off brand i bought on the internet so help me ok?

[boicrazie]

well hi my name is ashley not much really to tell u about me... i was abandoned by my mother when i was 6 months old because she decided that her drugs were more important then my health and i am currently living with my dad and my step mom th(that hates my guts because im not perfect like her) well i met my mom for the first time in 14 years this summer and she promised she would never leave me agin and that she would always b there for me for that moment on... 2 months later she leaves the state and i havent herd from her in about 6 months now... i cry a lot but not in front of people i dont ask for a lot... just a mom and then last feb. i was raped but i havent told my parents because i am afraid that they would think differently of me... i struggled with all of this stress but cutting myself but adventuallly that didnt work anymore and now all i do is cry... at skool im pretty popular but thats because no one knows the real me they just think im kool cuz im pretty

[bratyimp]

my name is cindy..i was very slim when i was younger and in my teens..
but after a hard life of abuse, i let things go..
not knowing how to deal with the shame of what happen, i turn
to harmful habits..
i use to be bulimic...at the time, i didn't know, that what
i was doing, had a name..or that there was others like me..
but with all change in life, i turn to other harmful things..
life seem so out of control, so out of my hands, that
i'm so scare that if i don't find something to release the
ache within that abyss that there will be no hope for me...
i need this to get control..cause without holding onto ana hands
life is worthless..

[blue*eyes]

Ok, the Holidays are over!! I totally hate myself! It seems like ana and mia have disapeared from my life. I feel like i've lost my best friends. I know it may sound really stupid, but I want them back!! I've gained 7 pounds and you would think I've gained 20! I can't take it! I hate the way my body feels right now. Why is it so hard to get rid of ana and mia but so hard to get them back? Doesn't make sense. All I know is that I miss them very much. I even cry because of it. I look horrible, I feel horrible, I'm so depressed all the time. I even have night mares of stepping on the scales!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[country_chick]

Hey all! I'm not new to this site either... just can't seem to remember my old account... meh... anywho... I found this site last year when I was ANOREXIC but I'm not now THANK GOD!!! He healed me! My weight currently is about xxx... no I'm not happy with that *giggles* I can't fit into a size 6 *winks* but that is normal at my school. Besides I have a petite figure so I can't go over a size six *makes awful face* my doctor says so. But I loose weight the healthy way... at least I think it is healthy... my diet currently: Chocolate diet *giggle* oh and lets not forget the coffee and all that good stuff... yep basically a "see" diet. Anyway off topic I like rambling... I'm going to be 16 in June.

Reason for being here: To give support to others. You name it I've done it. Except "mia"... haven't done that... Depression, Ana, Self Harm (not enough to count) so I'm here to give ya'll support and maybe some advice if I'm asked. If you want to see my story check out the recovery section of ED mine is titled "Freedom" I'm the only one that has posted there... I think...anyway send me a pm if ya want!:o :o

[whenwillitend]

Where to start?

I recently turned 22 and when I started purging at 15 I never thought I would still be doing it now. I have had bouts of ana also so I think I'm a bit of a combination of the two.

I feel that it has gotten to the point where I want to give in and tell someone so I can get some professional help but then again I don't want anyone to know my dirty little secret. I have had periods in which I have purged till I cry and when I look in the mirror I hate what I see and who I have become.

I have exercised up to 13 hrs a week walking, running, swimming, dancing and restricted calories to excess. For the majority of the time I have been a sufferer I have purged by vomiting but now tend to use laxatives a lot of the time as I find its hard to throw up if I do it too often. If I leave it for a while I think its easier when I do resort back to that type of purging.

I've used weightloss advantage - ametite suppresents and syrups to slim and detox, I have done weeks of detoxing and taking psylim husk products to increase bowel movements. My most recent attempt to prevent from gaining weight after binging has been to take Xenical which stops the body from absorbing fat. If you can get your hands on it its worthwhile. Its only supposed to be for people with obesity so tends to only be an over the counter perscription medicine.

Optifast milkshakes are another good way to stop eating and shift the weight - they helped me to lose 5 kgs about 18 months ago which I have pretty much kept off although I have had some times when I have let my binging take over and put on weight. The lowest I have reached is 48kg and that is what I aspire to be again. I'm currently about 52kg and hating it more than ever.

I have had friends acuse me of having a problem but they don't understand. They just noticed my weird eating habits and the weight lose obviously as well as the mood swings. I blame them on the changes in my attitude - I know that at times I just get so shitty and pissed off about everything and just want to scream.

I think I'll leave it there although I know I could go on....If anyone has any comments or feedback please post them

[moody ladym]

Well I don't even know where to begin i grew up poor for one which made it easy for kids to make fun of me and it really didn't help that i was fat, i mean really fat i hit 190 by 13. my parents didn't rasie me i rasied myself and so at 14 when i got tired oh being fat i stopped eating, my mother who was very immature herself thought it was cool and enabled me to drop from 190 to 86 pounds by just not bying food. but after a year of that mia began which lasted till i was about 20.I also suffered for many years with self harming and until i almost died from drinking and cutting my wrist i had not recieved any treatment so i spent 27 days in a mental hospital it didn't help i faked my way through it and am still suffering to date. and even though i have not had any problems with any e.d or anything except for real bad anxiety and compulisive eating for like about 10 years. which led to my hitting my all time high weight of 255 i know it's really gross, but then i had my fourth and final baby in december andi turned 31 i am done being fat i promised myself to lose the weight and it started real healthy. I keep telling myself your a grown up your to old to be suffering from any e.d. again but it;s back and i'm glad to not be alone and to have found this forum i need people who can understand. But any how in the last 5 months i have lost about 90 pounds and am still losing i really wanna be about 135 we'll see that's still like 30 pounds away but i know i can get there it may not be a healthy way to get there but never the less i will get there

[Ana.Red09]

I'm Rebecca. I'll be 16, June 6th!! *cheers* I can't wait, I'm going to look gorgeous by the time swim suit season gets here! ;) I'm here because I'm Anorexic, and I have just recently started on the binge-purge cycle ( I was on the one side of just turning down food, and cuttin' calories... yeah didn't work out ) so anyway, I got all upset, so I binged then purged. It made me feel tons better. So that's why I'm here. Any more of you like that who purge and feel better afterwards than what you did before???:p

[Confusion07]

Ok, the Holidays are over!! I totally hate myself! It seems like ana and mia have disapeared from my life. I feel like i've lost my best friends. I know it may sound really stupid, but I want them back!! I've gained 7 pounds and you would think I've gained 20! I can't take it! I hate the way my body feels right now. Why is it so hard to get rid of ana and mia but so hard to get them back? Doesn't make sense. All I know is that I miss them very much. I even cry because of it. I look horrible, I feel horrible, I'm so depressed all the time. I even have night mares of stepping on the scales!!!!

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sounds like to me you haven't gotten rid of ana and mia... if you feel terrible about that then you still have an eating disorder...

[Confusion07]

Hey! I'm here because I was diagnosed with EDNOS my story can be found in the "ednos" section of the boards. Don't listen to my idiotic sister.. she doesn't think before she types. By the way my name is Kaitlyn.

[Emmeline]

Um... Hello everyone. I'm a bit shy and been wondering for a long time if I have enough courage to post this...
So, I'm going on 18 this year and I have been diagnosed bulimia.Also I have some symptoms of anorexia.
I don't really think I have an eating disorder but everybody else seems to thinks so, my best friend got even angry at me when I told her that I need to loose weight and fit into size 34 [UK size 6] :confused: Though I do think even thats way too big size for me and I should be able to wear smaller size.
But yeah, I came here pretty much just to look around and find out if I won't just admit it to myself that I have eating disorder or is everyone else lying...

[blackrose918]

Hey don't be embaressed. I'm sure at some point a lot of us have felt that way. I know I have. My friends tease me about my ana/mia...i accidentally got a bit drunk one night and ate a slice of pizza, and my instinct got the better of me and I got caught :(
Yeah try lose the Mia...its aweful... and slowly I am getting rid of it
Hope you enjoy your stay here :)

[amr3149]

Kay, well, my story...

Let's see...I'm 19 now, and I've had an ED for about eleven years now. It's hard for me to say ana or mia specifically because I was mia for the first year or two, and then ana ever since, although I've been known to purge every once in a while. But somehow saying solid ana seems wrong. Ah well. I was in recovery for about a year and a half, with plenty of slip ups, mind you, but now...I don't know. It's strange. I've never been overweight, fat, chunky, anything. But I have a very strong fear of becoming so. Never having been larger, I don't see myself as small. I see myself as fatter without any personal comparison. If that makes any sense. And now I'm planning a wedding....Hm. I guess that's it. Sorry it's so confusing!!

[Sween]

Hi, my name's Eileen. I guess I'm up for telling you my story. .


well, first off let me start off by telling you about me. My name's Eileen(hence above), I just turned 18 on October 25th (woohoo! I'm legal!). I am in highschool and I'm honestly nervous about graduating. I love to sing, dance and write. .

Enough with all the introduction shit (haha). When I was 12 I was in "love" with this older man. His name was Tom. My Mom was close with him, he lived next door and he babysat me when my mom had to work late and such. I became extremely close with him, and I developed a crush on him (that would be my very FIRST crush may I add). Sometimes I wonder if I would really consider it a "crush", because my Dad died when I was four, maybe I was just looking for a fatherly figure to fill in that gap? I don't know. . . anyways, I became extremely close to him and I trusted him with all my heart.

One day when he was babysitting me, he kissed me. . and not one of those little "pecks on the cheek" it was an actual KISS! I got scared of him. . . but then again I truly believed that he loved me. . so therefore, I didn't tell anyone. This. . . I hate to use this word. . .molestation lasted a good four years. I finally told someone about it freshmen year. . my mom, her boyfriend and I took it to the police and followed a complaint. It turns out this was his SECOND offense. (this really made me feel used and unworthy). We took him to a proliminary hearing, and two years later (just last year) it followed in an actual TRIAL. Luckily he pleaded and I didn't have to testify.

ANYWAYS, after this skeleton came out of the closet, I began to diet as a way to cope. It became my crutch in life. I lost tons of weight (almost 40 pounds) and I love it. For once I actually feel confident in myself because I am so thin. However, I would like to be even thinner. Another thing I am scared of is men. . I don't want curves, boobs, or an ass. I want to be flat and I want to somehow keep that childish figure. In a way being pro ana was to help me keep that piece of childhood I missed out on. I was in such a rush to grow up as fast as I possibly could, that I forgot to be a kid. So, in a nutshell being pro ana helped me stay a kid (in some strange way) and it kept men away from me. I'll even admit, there were days where I thought I was gay because I want nothing to do with men after my trauma.

well, that was my story.