Purged for the first time...

[TheColorJulia]

Yea...
I don't know what happened.
I didn't even binge before it.. I just really wanted to purge. It was like I needed to.


I'm scared.

[Sapphire]

please be careful hun, thats a bad road to go down.

i wish i never started... my first time was when i was 16 and i have been in and out of recovery ever since - for purging.

im not trying to tell you what to do or anything, im just suggesting you avoid it

hugz

[TheColorJulia]

I'm really going to try and not make it a habit...
I HATE throwing up. And I usually don't... I have a terrible gag reflex, so it;s near impossible.

I really feel like purging right now... But, I'm fighting.
I think I just have these urges because I'm depressed...
When, I cry like I have been, my stomach has these.. convulsions.
It makes me feel like I'm about to throw up.. And yea!


thank you for caring :)

[LolaInChains]

Oh please try and stop while you can! I know, easier said than done.

Hugs :)

[perfectdoll]

As you already know and as everybody has already said... it's so, so hard to stop once you start. Be really careful sweetie... if you must binge, especially, then make sure to chewspit instead.... and scream at yourself inside your head to not purge if you can help it... you can do it :)

Take care, and good luck!

Love,
Perfect Doll xxx

[stella_blues]

I wish I could post a pic of my throat right now. I herniated a blood vessel on my right tonsil while purging a couple days ago. I suddenly had a sharp pain after purging, like a piece of plastic or something was stuck in my throat. I kept trying to dislodge it with the back of my tongue. Finally, I went to a mirror and used a flashlight to see - and I about passed out. There was this huge sticking out dark red blood vessel on my tonsil- and a red area all around it. Absolutely horrific looking. I seriously got light headed when I first saw it. It just shocked the shit out of me. I realized that if I'd kept at it with the purging, it could've burst. You know you can hemorage blood and die that way- either bleed out or choke to death on your blood.

That would've been a real treat for my partner to find. Me laying on the floor of the barn, toothbrush in hand, a pool of blood around my head, dead from aspirating blood during a purge. The bucket of puke still sitting there for all to see.

Nice way to go, huh? :( Nothing I ever wish on my partner to have to deal with. How awful.

Not to mention- this blood vessel thing has been bugging the hell out of me- I mean, it HURTS and feels like I have a tumor in my throat. And I can't tell anyone. So I just have to suck it up and pretend like I'm fine.

Currently, my CMP blood levels are getting so low my doc is threatening to tell my partner about the purging. If they get any lower, she'll have to tell her b/c I'll need to go to the ER for an I.V. (Notice my weight isn't below my normal range- you don't need to be dangerously thin to find your life in danger from purging.)

Don't mean to be a big downer. I mean, you'll probably purge no matter what I say. You know as well as anyone people die from purging everyday. Just sharing my reality of what can and probably will happen to you, so there's no big surprises down the road.

BTW, I've only been purging in earnest for about three months. So it doesn't take years of purging to find yourself in deep shit.

Do be careful.

:cool: