sorry when i'm gone.

[justlikethem.]

all the shit that ive taken off people, my family, my friends, my peers, well we'll see who is laughing when im dead. oh yes, its hilarious and unimportant when i cry, when they laugh at me. but when i blame them, if i decide to go through with it and leave a note, with THEIR names, then we'll see who is so fucking chipper then.
merry fucking christmas and happy bitching new year.

[skylines]

hun, don't do it. if you kill yourself eventually you'll be forgotten by them, eventually you'll be just a memory. but if you keep on living you have a chance to change everything, you can make them look like fools. there are people who care about you, although it might not feel like it. please, just don't do this.
it's not worth dying for.

[Static]

be better than them, instead.
it sucks and it's hard and frustrating. I spent years with that feeling running through my bones; I haven't forgotton.

but surviving out of spite isn't as bad as it sounds, if it comes to that.

'cause you show them all up by not giving up. see who's laughing when you come out tougher for not going through with it.

[Jacklinger]

Please don't leave. The universe waited 12 billion years to see you be born. If you're lucky, you can be awake for about 70 years, then just like a snowflake dissolving into the air, you'll be gone forever. Why rush it? Stay with us a little longer.

Even if you're completely powerless, your situation will change, and things can get better. People who hurt us, and our desire to exact a retribution, are both unimportant.

And if they do see their names on your note someday. Do you really think they'll accept that they pushed you to do it? You know they won't. They'll make excuses for themselves as tormentors always do. And you will have no laughter in the grave. The grave is nothing but silence. You will have nothing. They will have everything.

[perfectdoll]

Hey, I don't know you, and you don't know me, but if you go I will be sad. Because I feel the same most days, and most days I seem to pull by again... just. And sometimes it's for the worse, sometimes for the better. But I usually get by because I think "if could see me now" then I feel better. And I come onto this forum and I feel less alone because there are people who [I]understand, which is fantastic. It's only black humour and meaningless to you, but there are people out there who care about you and who will be sad if you leave.

I would be sad if you left; it would only reinforce to myself the notion that there is so much wrong in the world. It would make me unhappier. So you see? Your death would have a knock-on effect.

I know it seems stupid reading these... "oh what does it matter anyway"... but it's true, there isn't much meaning to life. On the flip side, we tend to formulate the values that give life its meaning to us... I cope with my ED. Some days I think I want it all to end. But in many ways, I know that if there's the slightest chance of happiness.... then I'll live just to see...

... and because out of curiosity, life is full of surprises. Perhaps we'll find happiness one day. What if....?

x

[stella_blues]

There are some really beautiful posts on this thread.

You guys rock. :cool:

[justlikethem.]

yeah, these are seriously beautiful, and motivation to keep going :')
right now im saying 'just one more day', everyday, so i dont do something stupid.
yeah, i cut but only to let it out now, not to try to die. thanks, guys.

do any of you have any advice on how to deal with fathers who are twats?

[cloudnine.]

twat him in the face and then lock him outside with no clothes(:

in what way is he a twat? x

[justlikethem.]

ok well

he had a one night stand, so i have a halfbrother.
then... he only told me about it when i was 11 and my brother was 16.
he didnt see my brother because 'thats what was best.'
he went crazy last year after my granpa died, like actually locked-up-on-pills crazy. he thought he was the messiah. i mean, honestly :/
& he told me i am, was and always will be second best to him & everyone else.
hes horrible about my mums family, & he tried to have an affair with my mums sister. everytime i see him he's all, have they split yet?
it sucks. and he took back the christmas present i got him, which was £50, cos he didnt like it. the other day i had a screaming match with him, and i tried to kill myself. it didnt work cos im still here writing this but its just hard to think he exists.

[Jacklinger]

ok well

he had a one night stand, so i have a halfbrother.
then... he only told me about it when i was 11 and my brother was 16.
he didnt see my brother because 'thats what was best.'
he went crazy last year after my granpa died, like actually locked-up-on-pills crazy. he thought he was the messiah. i mean, honestly :/
& he told me i am, was and always will be second best to him & everyone else.
hes horrible about my mums family, & he tried to have an affair with my mums sister. everytime i see him he's all, have they split yet?
it sucks. and he took back the christmas present i got him, which was £50, cos he didnt like it. the other day i had a screaming match with him, and i tried to kill myself. it didnt work cos im still here writing this but its just hard to think he exists.

Sounds like he's mentally gone and is in need of professional care. The best thing you can do is make sure he's not hurting himself and don't take anything he says seriously. I'm very earnest about his mental state. It sounds like his brain is not physically healthy and he should probably be seeing a professional and taking medications. It sounds like mild schizophrenia. And that's something I know about because my mother has it too.

[perfectdoll]

I obviously cannot speak for you or your situation... but it might be that this could be a good thing for you. Your father's mental state means that the anger you feel is justified in becoming pity... I sometimes find that works, because when it's pity, it doesn't hurt anybody further. Pity might allow you to come to terms with how to feel towards your father...

When you made your attempt, why was that? Escape, frustration or despair... for me it's the latter, despair, which sucks... but if your father can be given treatment and kept at a distance from the family, then you might not have to be despairing because of the freedom you might find...

I hope you're okay... there is little an online community like ours can offer you in terms of real life support, but what we can do, is let you know that there is a bigger world outside the hellish one you're living in right now. This world would want you to stay- there's so much we don't know about you and you about us yet, and others who haven't even met you, to whom you could give so much joy and they don't even know it yet... :)

take care xxx

[justlikethem.]

this might sound cruel and heartless but i dont know if id be bothered anymore if he hurt himself. he's hurt me too many times over the years i just dont care. i know you all feel what im feeling and youre all older than me but im just not as good as you! im 15 but i cant take it!
im going to end up hurting myself or someone else, preferably me so i dont feel guilty.
today its a year to the day that he walked out on us. tomorrow its a year to the date. valentines day.
i suppose i realised that by giving in and killing myself id be ending it all, but id also be giving up, not just giving in. and whatever my beliefs, i only have one shot at this particular life. so im just going to deal with it, put up with all the crap and just pull through with it all because to be honest, you people on this mean more than anyone else, and its good to know im not alone anymore

[Sparkling_Diamonds]

I feel like people are trying to make me kill myself too! It's so silly because I have a lot going for me and there's no reason for me to be miserable and if I hadn't been attacked I never would have had any problems and I would be in a much better place right now.

I became acquainted with some sub-standard people and I had no idea they would try to wreck my life just because I knew them and say I'm just like them even though I come from a better background and lifestyle than they do.

I'm in an okay place, but I failed last year which put me behind and I'm not sure how it looks on my record. It sucks because there's SO much I want to do but I can only do it if I'm not having any problems. I just wish mean people would leave me alone. They act like I'm sooo mean because I don't like them, but I never hated them before they started acting up.

[justlikethem.]

I think I know what you mean - theyre horrible and then they blame it on you, saying you started it? I believe you, and being honest, only you know the truth. People can be malicious and manipulative and scathing and cruel for a difference and you can only take so much before the cracks start to show. But we're all going to be here for you, or at least I am.
So if you ever need to talk, :) Can't say I'll reply really quick but I always will.
x