still_more_to_go
12-20-2009, 11:52 AM
I'm a failure. No, seriously, I am. I've been told so for practically my whole life. Well, that and I'm fat. But of course, no one will bloody take me seriously because I don't have a REAL eating disorder and I don't cut deep enough to kill myself, I just have self-image problems and 'disordered eating' (or possibly EDNOS, I have no idea). I can't even succeed in purging. It's pathetic.
I cut for the first time in two months yesterday. I've binged on sushi today. Weird thing to binge on, huh? That, and I went through a whole clothes shop today with a free £10 to spend, but couldn't buy a single thing because 'it only suits skinny people' and I'm not skinny.
Just for one day (ok, maybe longer than that) I want a normal family. I want a mother who will bake Christmas cookies with me and say that I'm pretty and be proud of me. I want a father who is actually at home, not off with his young girlfriend in a foreign country, who will have snowball fights with me and take me Christmas shopping and to the cinema. I want friends who will actually give a damn how I'm feeling. And I want my dog back :(
Christmas is just depressing. It seems like everyone has family to celebrate it with but me (well, I have my mother, but I'd prefer more than one person. Preferably someone who doesn't think I'm a failure.).
*sigh*
I cut for the first time in two months yesterday. I've binged on sushi today. Weird thing to binge on, huh? That, and I went through a whole clothes shop today with a free £10 to spend, but couldn't buy a single thing because 'it only suits skinny people' and I'm not skinny.
Just for one day (ok, maybe longer than that) I want a normal family. I want a mother who will bake Christmas cookies with me and say that I'm pretty and be proud of me. I want a father who is actually at home, not off with his young girlfriend in a foreign country, who will have snowball fights with me and take me Christmas shopping and to the cinema. I want friends who will actually give a damn how I'm feeling. And I want my dog back :(
Christmas is just depressing. It seems like everyone has family to celebrate it with but me (well, I have my mother, but I'd prefer more than one person. Preferably someone who doesn't think I'm a failure.).
*sigh*