sick of q.

[skylines]

so, this is silly and stupid, but I can't stop thinking about this. my friends don't care and I don't have anyone else to talk to.

there's a guy I've know for about two years now; let's call him q. when I first met him, he was dating one of my best friends. my first impression was that he was a total dork, and I pretty much said so, but never to his face. (I was quite bitchy back then.)
one day I was freaking out and crying all over the place, typical school drama. I was standing at my friend's locker waiting for her, babbling and crying, I probably sounded crazy, and he stood there with me until she came even though he didn't really know me.
after that we started to get to know each other, but it wasn't until my friend and q. broke up that we became real friends. I talked him for hours when he was confused and pissed that she had dumped him for some random druggie guy. about a month later, I realized I was having more-than-friendly feelings for him. by this time I had realized that yeah, he was a dork, but he was ten times sweeter and more fun than any of the guys in my grade. I asked him out, and he said no. I pretended I was cool with it so he wouldn't feel bad.

summer, we talked on aim every day, but only saw each other in person a couple of times. whenever we did though, at parties, we were pretty much inseparable. we talked the entire time, and I was probably never more than five feet from him at either given time, and vice-versa. by august he was getting really touchy, like random hugs and friendly shoulder punches, which wasn't typical for him. he was a pretty introverted, no-don't-touch-me guy.

september he went to a different school. (he's a year above me.) he made a lot of new friends, and he started changing a lot. he was a lot more depressed, less laughing, and every girl he dated during this time led him out on a pity date and then dumped him. whenever he told me he was going out with someone, it was like a knife to the ribs. I would get really quiet and not feel like eating at all. he was always telling me how much school sucked, how much he hated school, et cetera. this was the worst possible time for me to get feelings for him again, but I did. I went to football games religiously so I could see him, lied to my parents so I could go to the movies with him and his friends. (they were actually really nice.)

fast forward to now. we're friends still, we now go the same school, and I'm still hoping he'll realize how much I care about him. the thing is, I don't know if I still like him or the person he used to be. he's always so depressed, but whenever he laughs or smiles when we're together it's the best feeling. I miss him so much. I don't see q. that much, maybe four times a day in the halls and every other day we'll have a proper conversation, but we facebook a lot.

the thing is, we talked about going to the movies last week, and today I asked him about it, casually, if he still wanted to go. his response?
"oh, that was a good movie."
first reaction: what the FUCK? we made PLANS. you stupid BASTARD.

second reaction: I got really depressed, cried for no reason, and went to sleep it off. I handle these types of things quite well.

fuck, I don't know. he just makes me ridiculously happy, and I feel like I mean something when I'm with him.

I need advice. should I just give up him? I've tried avoiding him, tried to train myself into thinking he is just a friend, tried setups with other guys...in the end it all comes back to him. I'm so scared of being rejected again I might not ever build up the nerve to ask him out.
wooo. thank you if you actually read all of that.

[Jacklinger]

Get him alone, so you don't risk emberrasing him, and just very carefully and gently tell him you want to be his girl friend. There would be no shame in that. You don't need to shout it, and it's ok if your eyes well up a bit and cry some, but try not to bawl like you're in terrible pain if you can help it. I know that can be hard though, love is painful.

If you have trouble getting him alone by chance, you might have to ask him to go somewhere with you which can be hard too.

But if you do nothing, nothing will happen, and you'll still be in pain. So what have you to lose really? If he does reject you, at least you can move on finally. If he doesn't...

[Sapphire]

i tend to agree with Jack.

i would say talk with him and tell him how you feel. that then puts the ball in his court, and he will let you know how he feels.

i know what you mean when you say you dont know if its the person he "used" to be or the person he is now.

knowing how happy you felt with him in the past and then trying to regain that in the here and now gets really messy. And when there is a glimpse of the old person, you hold on to that and it takes presidence over the rest of the time... and its always attempting to get that person/feeling back (i can so relate)

PM me if you want to talk some

hugz

[skylines]

thank you both so much for your advice. I finally gathered up my courage today and called him, with every intention of telling him what was going on in my head. but when we were just casually talking before I was going to ask him, I realized: this is not the q. I remember. this isn't the q. that stood by me.

so I never did ask him...I'm good with being friends now; but I'm glad you told me to talk to him, becuase if I hadn't called him, I might still think he is who I wanted him to be. it's easy to turn a person into an idea, I guess, an idea that you like better than the person...

massive hugs for both of you. (: