*Beautiful*Me*
12-02-2011, 08:02 PM
So I've always been an anxious person. I am so stubborn when it comes to taking meds. I am such a control freak and I think I can always handle my problems by myself. It's like taking meds for my anxiety is like saying that I failed.
And i was just wondering if there is anyone out there dealing with panic disorder and what you did to help yourself?
The best thing I did for myself was to get myself into therapy and start exercising. I do have and Rx for Xanax that i can take in emergencies. My panic attacks get so bad that I litterally shut down. I cant think straight, i can barely form a thought, i cant speak, i sweat terribly, it's hard to breathe and my heart feels like it's going to explode... I seriously think I'm dying. The one thing therapy has helped me do is listen to my body and help me figure out when I'm anxious. I know it sounds so weird, but honestly if I let myself get worked up, I can talk myself into a panic attack before i even realize what's going on. A small pain in my chest pain is lung cancer, a pounding heart or rapid heartbeat is a heart attack, i get a headache and all of the sudden i think i'm having a stroke---it's rediculous what i can talk myself into. But, I have gotten really good at detecting anxiety before it's an issue. And I can tell if I'm not going to be able to control my panic/anxiety and when to take my meds.
Dont get me wrong. I'm not symptom free. I still have rediculous phobias. Sometimes I can't sleep unless i check my doors over and over and over. I'm afraid of people breaking in. I'm afraid of someone seriously hurting me in front of my daughter. I used to be scared to exercise because the racing heart felt too much like a panic attack. I still wont work out alone in case i collapse. I'm scared to be alone because i dont want to be unable to call for help. I've probably got my daughter paranoid too because I make her memorize our address and go over emergency plans at least 10 times a week. I am terrified I will die of some disease that I have no control . This is where my ED comes in. I am obsessivly healthy. I am terrified of getting sick and believe that the food we eat is key in our overall health and preventing disease. The sick thing is i'm human, and i mess up. And i will b/p now and then. And then I am so angry with myself and cant help but think about how stupid i am and the damage i've done to my body. I am SO hard on myself and I just never feel like I ever measure up. I always feel like a failure...which just makes me want to be even harder on myself. Most days, I hate who I am :(
THese are the things I'm working on in therapy right now. Trying to let go of control and simply understanding that there are things beyond my control is the key to succefully treating my anxiety, panic disorder and ED. And loving myself is even harder- especially when i feel like everyone else thinks I suck at life too :(
SO - I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there dealing with the same things and how you deal....
And i was just wondering if there is anyone out there dealing with panic disorder and what you did to help yourself?
The best thing I did for myself was to get myself into therapy and start exercising. I do have and Rx for Xanax that i can take in emergencies. My panic attacks get so bad that I litterally shut down. I cant think straight, i can barely form a thought, i cant speak, i sweat terribly, it's hard to breathe and my heart feels like it's going to explode... I seriously think I'm dying. The one thing therapy has helped me do is listen to my body and help me figure out when I'm anxious. I know it sounds so weird, but honestly if I let myself get worked up, I can talk myself into a panic attack before i even realize what's going on. A small pain in my chest pain is lung cancer, a pounding heart or rapid heartbeat is a heart attack, i get a headache and all of the sudden i think i'm having a stroke---it's rediculous what i can talk myself into. But, I have gotten really good at detecting anxiety before it's an issue. And I can tell if I'm not going to be able to control my panic/anxiety and when to take my meds.
Dont get me wrong. I'm not symptom free. I still have rediculous phobias. Sometimes I can't sleep unless i check my doors over and over and over. I'm afraid of people breaking in. I'm afraid of someone seriously hurting me in front of my daughter. I used to be scared to exercise because the racing heart felt too much like a panic attack. I still wont work out alone in case i collapse. I'm scared to be alone because i dont want to be unable to call for help. I've probably got my daughter paranoid too because I make her memorize our address and go over emergency plans at least 10 times a week. I am terrified I will die of some disease that I have no control . This is where my ED comes in. I am obsessivly healthy. I am terrified of getting sick and believe that the food we eat is key in our overall health and preventing disease. The sick thing is i'm human, and i mess up. And i will b/p now and then. And then I am so angry with myself and cant help but think about how stupid i am and the damage i've done to my body. I am SO hard on myself and I just never feel like I ever measure up. I always feel like a failure...which just makes me want to be even harder on myself. Most days, I hate who I am :(
THese are the things I'm working on in therapy right now. Trying to let go of control and simply understanding that there are things beyond my control is the key to succefully treating my anxiety, panic disorder and ED. And loving myself is even harder- especially when i feel like everyone else thinks I suck at life too :(
SO - I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there dealing with the same things and how you deal....