Sick....

[dopdop2000]

I always used to think that I was totally normal and fine. Everyone always used to tell me I have a warped view of the world but I always believed that *they* had a skewed perception. Until yesterday.

Yesterday I went to see the new Twilight movie, Breaking dawn part 1 (I SWEAR it relates). For a lot of the movie, Bella is gaunt and hallow-cheeked. She is literally supposed to look inches from death, and in the movie, she is. Everyone in the theatre was sickened by how skeletal she was. But the entire movie, I just sat there seething with jealousy. A big part of me was sickened by how deathly she looked, but I so desperately wished I looked like her. I'm anorexic, but it didn't really hit me that what I think is perfect is everyone's definition of gross and sickening. I'm not even totally sure why I'm posting this...I just feel sickened with that image, and sickened with my self for trying to achieve it, and sicked with myself for being grossed out by perfection.

I'm just all confused. Am I messed up in the head for this?

[elzie]

We're all mad here ;)

It's because you have an eating disorder, it's not because you're messed up, you just need help. I'm a little different! I look at reaaally skinny people and think "you'd look SO much better with some meat on your ass." But I'D love to be as skinny as them. It's only my body I have a problem with.

[weightlessrunner]

No I watched Black Swan and thought Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis looked fantastic yet they were incredibly underweight at the time. It's not that you're messed up in the head. Eating disorders mess with your perception of things.