People You Can't Read

[xXxXx]

I am an incredibly paranoid and anxious person and I work with a lady who I find really difficult to read. I often feel like she's a bit off with me and if I ask if she's ok she just smiles and says mmm and walks off. We get on really well most of the time but I often struggle to figure out where I stand with her and it drives me insane. So now I'm at home panicking about what I could have done wrong yet again and I end up having to drink or SH to keep my mind off it until the next day.

Does anyone else have friends/family/colleagues that they find really hard to read? What do they do that makes you paranoid? How do you deal with it?

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[insight]

I used to have a friend like that, we actually got into an argument because I was sick of it. Now we don't talk...So I don't really have any advice to give you on that part. But she used to make me really paranoid by giving me the cold shoulder a lot, or being snappy with me. And I'd have to sit and think about what I could've done wrong. Sometimes for hours. I hate making people angry/upset with me. :/ I didn't really deal with it properly, I just kind of got angry with myself a lot. >.<

I hope you're okay. x

[perfucktion]

Oh my gosh, I do this with almost everyone except my husband and immediate family. Even my closest friends, I think are mad at me for something but I just can't figure out what. I don't have any advice though, sorry. I don't deal with it properly either. They don't really do anything that I could point out that hints towards them being pissed at me, I just get it in my head that they are somehow... :s I thought for sure that I was getting fired from one of my jobs because I thought my boss was being pissy with me, but then not two weeks later I got a bonus. I think I am just paranoid.. but I don't know what to do about it.

[maximumcapacityxx]

This is how I feel about literally everyone I work with! I often find myself holding back tears at work because I feel like they all hate me. What I do when I get home, I make myself a big cup of tea and repeat to myself over and over again that I can't be everyone's cup of tea. Because it's true, no one gets along with everyone and maybe she's just not very friendly and you are and that's why you'd be plenty of people's cup of tea. Remind yourself that it's just one person, and plenty of people out there would like you just fine (:

[kyrie]

Ugh, my dad is like that. He's rather emotionless and i constantly think he's angry/ashamed of me, but if i try to question him it starts an argument which just confirms my belief that he hates me :sulkiness:
It's easier for me to limit the amount of time i'm around him, it may be considered running away from the problem but it's safer that way.

The woman may just not be a very social person, i am like that sometimes too (and yeah i probably get it from my dad!). Small talk is difficult for me and exhausting at times so I just shut off.
People are often too wrapped up in their own troubles to be thinking bad things about you anyway.

[KoH.]

This is a thing that would happen from someone that tries maybe a bit too hard.
And she sounds like one of those people that sometimes likes company, but also likes to keep herself to herself.

It sounds like she has no issues with you at all, you're probably someone that's a treat to see as your so pleasant, but she might not feel like a good conversation, or simply has nothing she feels is exciting to say.

My mum would come home and drink and cry after working with her boss who'd hardly talk to her all day. She also did things that appeared out of line to my mum. What my mum failed to do is imagine the world on her side. She had lots to concentrate on, she was going through the menopause and i can only assume how frustrating someone can be from trying too hard when all they want is to be in their own bubble some days.

Even though my boss never gave off the impression my mum did anything right, my mum was one of the only people she would keep on the job through multiple sackable offences. However, as my mum cared too much of what the boss thought of her, my mum eventually resigned.

What she should have done is make some effort on her side, and if that same effort was not returned, let it go and get along with your own life.

[xXxXx]

We got on fine today. I think I am just ultra sensitive at the minute and analyse the people around me too much.

Thank you for your replies they helped calm me down and rationalise the situation a bit :-)

You're right maybe she wasn't feeling great or just didn't feel like chatting. I guess sometimes I get so wrapped up and consumed with how I'm feeling I forget to consider how other people are feeling. I also think I objectify others sometimes.

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[disconnected]

I'm like this with people constantly. I'm like a wannabe psychoanalyst 24/7
I find it very very difficult to just turn off. I was brought up in surroundings that made this hypersensitivity crucial to getting by.
The only advice I can offer is. If you've checked yourself once, and you're cool, and this person has no reason for their behaviour then it's all them. Leave them to it.
Easier said than done. If you're anything like me, you'll still struggle despite rational thought.
Why aye, it sucks.

[sedated]

I'm like this with people constantly. I'm like a wannabe psychoanalyst 24/7
I find it very very difficult to just turn off. I was brought up in surroundings that made this hypersensitivity crucial to getting by.
The only advice I can offer is. If you've checked yourself once, and you're cool, and this person has no reason for their behaviour then it's all them. Leave them to it.
Easier said than done. If you're anything like me, you'll still struggle despite rational thought.
Why aye, it sucks.

Thanks for posting this. I'm like this, but I never really thought about why I'm like this. I'm super sensitive and always afraid of someone being upset with me, even if I know that I have done nothing to make them upset. Especially if I haven't seen or talked to someone for awhile (like coming back to work after a four day weekend, I'm always scared of if I'm in trouble. Even though I never have been).

Reading your post helped me to realize why I feel this way. lol I, too, grew up in a house where it was beneficial to survival to be super sensitve. My father was prone to insane mood swings. Being my best friend one day and me being terrified of him the next. Every day I came home and I didn't know which dad to expect. I would be very quiet and take cues... that is until I finally just withdrew all together, but I think I take that with me always, in every circumstance. I am always quiet, feeling people out before I allow myself to relax and have a normal interaction. Thanks for your insight!

Interesting!

[Freckleface]

Your best bet is to wean yourself off of thinking about it. If she's being cold to you, I doubt she's thinking as much about your feelings as you are hers. Either way, it is only stressing you out more to think about it, and why should you spend your time thinking about things that make you feel bad? If she's being mean for no reason, why should it matter what she thinks anyway? She's not worth your time or thoughts.

[xXxXx]

Disconnected & Freckleface - I know you're right and have been trying my best to chill out about these things. Unfortunately I tend to make a habit of thinking about things that make me feel shit. It's really hard trying not too!

Sedated - I'm glad this threads been useful to you!

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