Am I the only loser home alone on halloween?

[Willow]

Haha everyones going out to party or something. I was going to go out with my friends but I was so worried I'd end up eating and so I just decided to stay in. Sometimes I just feel like theres this kind of barrier inside me thats constantly pushing me back. Like I'll be hanging out with all my friends and their all smiling and laughing and I can't enjoy myself, theres always this stupid feeling in the back of my mind.

I wish I didn't think about this problem all the time! Its like its consuming me.

Rant over.

Halloween plans anyone?

[nathrakh]

Ur not a loser, and ur not the only person home alone. I dont have any friends, dont live with parents so im also home alone :/ /hug

[Willow]

:(

A lot of the time I prefer being by myself anyway. Sometimes its such a headache to be around other people. I love my friend so much, but sometimes being with them always seems so...I don't know. I wan't to say superficial but my friends aren't superficial people and I feel bad for writing that. I guess I'm kind of jealous/frustrated because their lives seem to be full of pointless dramas whilst I feel like this.

Ughh!!

[rowyn]

yay for being alone of Halloween! This weekend is my college's family weekend, i just finished watching harry potter and the half blood prince with my parents in the student center :o alas, the rest of Halloween night will be spent in my dorm room while everyone else goes partying

[lovebexs]

if it makes anybody feel better, i went out and it was awful :[ i got completely drunk and ate everything that came my way. i gained half a pound.

this was my first time going to a party in weeks, and they used to be so much fun for me. i used to go to parties every weekend and i met so many fun people. it was always a good time, even when the parties weren't so great but last night was just all stressful and exhausting. being with my friends and being at a party are both totally different these days. i feel the same as willow; it's so tiring to be with my friends. i have to avoid all the food and act all happy, even though i feel so lonely and sad. i think i'm the superficial one, because i'm keep this huge secret from them. it's such a big part of me and my life, and they don't know, so it's hard to be totally real with them in a way.. but it's much lonelier :[

[Willow]

Lovebexs don't worry! you've already lots loads, and you're so close to 100 :)

The other day was horrible. My friend offered me a chocolate bar and I refused, and she said "Oh..too good for chocolate now are we?" I think she was joking because she didn't seem annoyed at me afterwould or mention it again, but I nearly burst into tears. I hate having to lie to my friends and family all the time. I want to tell them so much sometimes..but I'm so scared they just won't understand, and will just think I've been lieing to them for no reason. I actually cried at the dinner table yesterday, pretending I was so ill so I wouldn't have to eat dinner. It worked, but I hate myself for it.

I hate this so much :(