fear of relationships?

[Priscilla]

I really wish someone would notice this right now!
because basically [and this has nothing to do with an ED or anything, i hope that's okay?] i've just realised that i have a fear of proper relationships.
i haven't been in a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' status for a very long time
and i've been fine with that, but i've always thought that when i find someone it will be fine yaddayadda
[I'm not saying i haven't been seeing people and stuff, just nothing too serious]
but now i know that i'm afraid to commit to a proper relationship
all i can think of is that it's going to end up in me probably getting dumped anyway, either way we're going to split up
it doesn't even matter who it is, that's just what i feel like
i've never had particularly long-term reltaionships
but now i think it's just got one step worse...

[rowyn]

you're not alone, i don't know how to help though...therapy...

[Vision Thing]

I'm IN a long term relationship and I think exactly the same as you. I just know its inevitable that one day it will end. Not in a negative sense, but everything will end. That's just the way things go.

I don't really know what to do specifically, because some days I'm happy and som I'm absolutely depressed. I think its something you've got to find for yourself, like that point to which you'll be happy with or without someone.

[lovebexs]

i feel the same :[ in fact, i'm so scared of being in a relationship that i kind of go about killing the chances i have of being in one. like if i meet i nice guy and get along and he's cute, i have no problem sleeping with him and hanging out together, but the minute any of the guys i've done this with suggest dating or getting more serious, i freak out and totally stop talking to them. i act like they've done something wrong and basically just refuse to be around them. even when i tell myself not to do this and i keep seeing the person i have this weird feeling that i hate them, for making me do this. it's so strange. all my friends have such sweet boyfriends, and i would love to have that, but whenever i have the chance to i always ruin it on purpose. i don't know what's wrong with me :[

[Priscilla]

eurgh, i totally get what you mean by ignnoring them!
too many boys must hate me right now :/

but hmm.
Do you think it's mean for someone to ask someone out when that person is drunk, and maybe just a little bit stoned?
i bloody well do.
Now i'm just crapping it about that's going to happen from this point onwards ):
the only good thing today?
i weighed myself when i got in and i have dropped two pounds :D
though it will probably be back tomorrow :/

[anonomousmia]

im the opposite. for some reason, i like feel i almost NEED to be in a relationship. i need some1 close, some1 to talk to, rely on, to look after me. sounds weird?

i put everythin in2 my last long term relationship, i reali did. and he broke up with me 3weeks ago. was actuli gutted, so so so upset. i still cry thinkin about him now, but wen im busy im ok.

went for a couple of drinks with this lad on tues after 'umming and arring' whether or not 2 actuli go! he then invited me bk 2 his 2 watch a film cuz it wasnt l8, n again, i didnt reali want to but i cant say no, so i did.

10mins into the flim he starts kissing me n his hands r all over me, n hes trying 2 undress me. i told him no n that i didnt want to, but he tried again and just carried on. so i pushed him off (nicely, cuz im a walkover) and told him again, and he told me 2 give him an excuse n that i shud have sum fun etc. . . . .wot a jerk!!!!! pissed me right off. i told him i didnt want to and that i shouldnt need an excuse, and that i hadnt long bin broke up with my bf. then i went home.

[Priscilla]

Eurgh, i'm so sorry about him!
some guys are utter jerks!

annoyingly for me, i'm one of those people who find it hard to say no ):
that never comes in handy.

[LolaInChains]

I totally know what you mean.

I am totally terrified of any kind of commitment or long term relationship. I don't mind anything informal, but as soon as a guy starts chasing me and seems really keen I run a mile, make up excuses not to see him etc. This in turn always seems to make the guy more keen which totally disgusts me and makes me feel as though he is pathetic.

Hell the guy I am currently seeing have already said he loves me and uses baby voices. After one month of casual dating!? Gah. It makes me want to be sick all over him. i can not longer even pretend to think he is cute. I am such a huge bitch, all of the guys are actually really lovely, smart and interesting it is really just me who is deeply disgusted by the pathetic nature of a man in love. Why is this.

When this said guy was touching my body I felt such strong revolt it was almost like I wanted to torture myself. Very strange.

[Jacklinger]

I used to fear rejection. Now I fear being alone forever. I'm ready for it if it comes to that, but I really want to avoid it if I can. It seems like just a fantasy for now. I'm just not considered BF material by 99% of the women in the city. I think it's a cultural thing. I might have an easier time back in Mississippi where the girls are all poor and would swoon over an offer to watch a DVD and eat grilled cheese sandwhiches.

Although, to be honest, I couldn't even get a DVD night with one of them really. I was always fat and unattractive and they put alot of importance on that, even the heavier girls. If it wasn't for a girl that rolled me, I'd still be a virgin, and she only did that because I had started working nights as a stock boy at a market and lost a ton of weight doing heavy lifting for 10 hours every night. I let my hair get long because I just didn't care anymore and it made me look much easier on the eyes I guess. So she found me and said I was cute and asked me out. I was shocked because usually I was doing the asking and girls always said "no..." or "ew! no way!".

We dated and she had sex with me right away. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming but I had no problem falling in love with her. She was very pretty too. She always demanded gifts though, so I paid for alot of her things. I bought her clothes she wanted, food, whatever. Then when I was broke, she dumped me. I was too dumb to connect the dots and she actually had to explain it, "no money, no honey," is basically what she said. I thought she loved me. She knew I loved her but didn't care. I guess that hurt the most.

I gained most of my weight back after that when I quit the night stock job and moved to L.A. to help my dad in his vending machine business. Ate way too many snickers.

I have a profile on a dating service and have been told by alot of the women that I'm just not cute enough to consider; this coming from grown women, not teenage girls. So all of this might have something to do with my interest in anorexia and why I found the WhyEat forum.

I rarely have any kind of physical contact now. I wonder how long a human can go without touching before dying? Zen monks seemed to go their whole lives so I guess it's ok. They're also very thin. They eat once a day.

[Sapphire]

hummm... my problem is i want to be loved but i dont homestly believe anyone has or does love me. i dont know why guys have been with me or wanted to be around me... i mean like after the sex and constant kisses cools down... i totally dont get it.

i mean i hate myself and have done so many bad things and hurt so many people, i dont know how anyone could stand to be with me. that includes my husband too.


relationships are so difficult

sorry im not much help here

[lovebexs]

I am totally terrified of any kind of commitment or long term relationship. I don't mind anything informal, but as soon as a guy starts chasing me and seems really keen I run a mile, make up excuses not to see him etc. This in turn always seems to make the guy more keen which totally disgusts me and makes me feel as though he is pathetic.

that's exactly how i feel :[

[LolaInChains]

I hate myself... Just blew off a totally lovely, kind and intelligent guy so that I didn't have to eat with him. Surely there is a limit to the amount of times I can reject someone?!

The same guy keeps hanging around even after I told him that I didn't want to be with him (which is actually a big step for me as I normally just ignore the guy until he gets the message... well I suppose that I have already done this as well...) and I just don't know what to do. He said he will be there through the good and bad which totally freaks me out. I just want to disappear. He just keeps holding on which surely has to be completely humiliating for him.

Sapphire - I hope that you and your husband can get through your problems. I have been reading some of your posts and it must be extremely hard to go through something like an ed as well as being in a committed relationship (hell, look at me, I run a mile after the first suggestion of romance) I just hope that you can get the support you need. It sounds as though you both need to understand each others needs again.

Hugs to you all (just don't run in disgust... )

[6pluto]

I feel like this aswell. I freak out when someone expresses a genuine interest in me......... I'm 24 and have been pretty much single my whole life but I've been dating alot of different people recently and I find guys tend to fall for me really easily and I just feel indifferent or just not really that interested. I've had a few one night stands and dabbled in prostitution, I tell myself it's an exercise in detachment (I also have paranoid schizophrenia and BPD).

I've very recently met someone I actually have feelings for as opposed to feeling lukewarm, I just hope I don't do anything to screw it up, lol. It feels like it didn't even happen and I just imagined meeting him. Ironically it's been the last thing on my mind (relationships) and I've been more focussed on my work, friends and mental health stuff.

[LolaInChains]

Good luck ^

I know what you mean. I seem to attract men who fall for women really easily which in turn really puts me off.

I am also 24 and was born in Melbourne too :)

It is funny how when you don't focus on something it hits you when you least expect it.

[empty_pure]

I feel the exact same way a lot of times. I can hook up with a boy casually but as soon as it starts to mean anything more/they actually seem to care I just run.

Sometimes I wonder if all this has to do a lot with our EDs, and all our self-loathing tendencies - I find myself thinking that any boy who likes me is an idiot, because what is there to like?

Plus it's just such hell to date and not eat.

[Jacklinger]

I feel the exact same way a lot of times. I can hook up with a boy casually but as soon as it starts to mean anything more/they actually seem to care I just run.

Sometimes I wonder if all this has to do a lot with our EDs, and all our self-loathing tendencies - I find myself thinking that any boy who likes me is an idiot, because what is there to like?

Plus it's just such hell to date and not eat.

Next time a boy likes you, ask him what is there to like about you? If he can rattle off at least 2 or 3 answers, he's a keeper.