I am so afraid of food.

[cling]

How many other people feel like they need to just not eat altogether or they will eat all the food?
Like you can have one, or the other, and the one is starving whereas the other is being a fatass so you'd just rather starve: that's how I feel. Except that I always end up managing to find ways to eat all the food despite my best efforts ><

[prettyfreakedout]

haha.. it feels awful to laugh about this stuff but I just know how you feel. I hate it so much. SOmetimes I just wish I could stop eating but then that seems incredibly depressing. I love food and hate it. I told my boyfriend about my problem. He was very understanding.. he wants to help me stop. Im really hoping that telling someone and having a support will help.

[cling]

Support is really important. My new therapist asked "so who do you have in your life that you can turn to for support with this ED"
And i was like "uhhhhh kinda sorta my mom?"
I'm glad your boyfriend's supportive, that is a big part of the battle: having someone to lean on, so to speak.
And, of course, we all have each other on here!

[GoldenBrown]

I'm exactly like this. I hate my "all or nothing" attitude because 95% of the time it turn into "all and then some".
I wish I could just eat like a normal person and feel full. Sometimes it feels like I'm a black hole or something.

[awake]

"so who do you have in your life that you can turn to for support with this ED"

That sounds exactly like the t I see in group and it made me laugh.

But I'm the same way and it's worse when I'm in situations around people - especially people that know I struggle. I feel like I have to prove to them that they don't have to worry, I'm ok - and I need to eat everything they put in front of me and it's just a nightmare.

[Coe]

I feel like this, 100%. I've gotten away from the binging but I'm terrified to stop severely restricting - I feel like if I even try to eat like a normal person I'll go out of control again and go back to the binging. It's awful... I want to eat, I miss food, but I don't trust myself. It suuuucks. :(

[Carly]

Ugh, I feel like this too... :( Once I start eating something I feel like I can't stop, so I try not eating in the first place. I can lose 10, 15 pounds in two weeks, but then I gain in all back in the next two week. And then the cycle repeats.

[Jennie]

I hate food.... Seriously hate it.

Once I start eating, whatever it is, I cant stop. Its either binge... or starve. Wish I could take a pill so I wouldn't have to eat, so I wouldn't have to deal with this all or nothing shit!!

Its a goddamn curse thats making me gain like craazy now. Cant stop, and all I try to is not eat so I dont binge so I can get my old weight back. I have to lose 40 lbs now to get back to 5 months ago :mad:

[Autumn21]

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I will eat like a psycho or starvestarvestarve. Once I start...there's no stopping me. I even eat foods that I don't like.
I used to have so much control...now I've lost it all. :/
No wonder I've gained so much weight :(

[ohmylanky]

I either restrict heavily or binge heavily. There is no middle ground anymore :(

[ellexo]

ED's are very much about the all or nothign mentality, and i truly live this every day. i either eat everything or nothing at all. i feel like once i overeat just a bit, i might as well keep going since ive fucked up..

[Matthewww]

Maybe that's where the binging comes from.
I would b/p all day everyday and that would get to the point where I could stop myself from binging. I'd just get so fucking bored. I can probably eat normally now and not binge, but choose not to.

[isabella]

I feel the same way too. I gained 25 pounds in freshman year. My mom has always been on my back to lose weight, but lately even my dad has been asking me how much I weigh. I have no control at all. My weight shifts 10 pounds or so weekly because I am trying so hard to lose weight. I feel like I am crazy but I don't want to talk to anyone about it because I feel weak and embarrassed. Do you guys ever wonder or dread that we might be on this yo-yo diet for years and years to come? It's almost taking over hours and days of my life.

[Xgx]

I hate my "all or nothing" attitude... Sometimes it feels like I'm a black hole or something.

Oohh yes !!! Either enjoy feeling huge empty starving hole rumbling, or embrace it and stuff till where your guts end... and then some !

[ricecakes]

I hate being a slave to this.. I don't trust myself with packets of food, its happened one too many times.. "I'll only have a bit.." turns into eating the whole thing. Its bad! I hate it :(

[webby]

Ditto. :/ New plan.. Only buy food with my fiance, so if i binge, its all healthy. He knows about my ed, so will watch the food I buy. Possible plan for you too? a friend/family member?

[TenStone]

This describes me to a tee.

[ancreatur]

Food is the devil's tempation. I can't stand it.