PSALM
10-19-2009, 07:28 AM
I need advice! Bulimia is seriously affected by emotions. My boyfriend seems to be the number one instigator of my triggers at the moment. I haven't been with him for very long, but the long term boyfriend I had before this one was just as bad or worse by means of what they do. It's REALLY weird, I don't know what the hell I do to these guys but they always seem to want to put me down, shut me down and tell me that Im stupid and that everything I do is WRONG. I am a really argumentative person and I know that I feel like I have to be right a lot of them time, but thats just me, when I know something I speak up... I mean if someone says/asks something why can't we have a discussion about it instead of everything being so black and white. Im actually very intelligent and I know a lot about the world, so I don't understand why they try so hard to make me feel stupid when 99% of the time I am right because I will always secretly google everything later.
When it comes to going out he feels he has to be so overprotective of me and tells me to wear more clothes or tells me he's gonna smash any guy that looks at me and I hate it! He always has to comment on what I am wearing, doing, saying, acting, feeling. It drives me INSANE and I feel like the only thing I can do to feel in control is my Bulimic episodes, because that's the ONE thing he can't control, only because he doesn't know. Why can't he just let me be me? I feel like I am under constant pressure to look JUST right and it's not normal. I feel like I shouldn't be too fat, too skinny, hair too long, hair too short. He made me cut off all my long hair cos he said I looked like cousin it, so now it's really short and I miss my long hair.
I can't escape this right now, there is no way out. I live with him and I have to until the end of the year. The saddest thing is he has NO idea how much it's affecting me.
Why does he shut me down so much? Why does he always make me feel like shit? Its almost like he bullies me in a way and it's slowly destroying me inside, (I would never let that show though.) The main point I should make is that I could never talk about it with him because he is the most defensive person on the face of the planet and he NEVER takes responsibility for his actions. I have NEVER ONCE witnessed him taking responsibility. Secondly, I am afraid to be alone, I need a boyfriend, so I can't let him go unless I find someone else. Ahhhhhh. Any thoughts on his WHAKY behaviour or what I should do?
When it comes to going out he feels he has to be so overprotective of me and tells me to wear more clothes or tells me he's gonna smash any guy that looks at me and I hate it! He always has to comment on what I am wearing, doing, saying, acting, feeling. It drives me INSANE and I feel like the only thing I can do to feel in control is my Bulimic episodes, because that's the ONE thing he can't control, only because he doesn't know. Why can't he just let me be me? I feel like I am under constant pressure to look JUST right and it's not normal. I feel like I shouldn't be too fat, too skinny, hair too long, hair too short. He made me cut off all my long hair cos he said I looked like cousin it, so now it's really short and I miss my long hair.
I can't escape this right now, there is no way out. I live with him and I have to until the end of the year. The saddest thing is he has NO idea how much it's affecting me.
Why does he shut me down so much? Why does he always make me feel like shit? Its almost like he bullies me in a way and it's slowly destroying me inside, (I would never let that show though.) The main point I should make is that I could never talk about it with him because he is the most defensive person on the face of the planet and he NEVER takes responsibility for his actions. I have NEVER ONCE witnessed him taking responsibility. Secondly, I am afraid to be alone, I need a boyfriend, so I can't let him go unless I find someone else. Ahhhhhh. Any thoughts on his WHAKY behaviour or what I should do?